Severed Ties Are Stronger Than Stones

Quote of the day: What are the gods if not love?

They really are.

Today, I messaged an old friend on MSN. I was in a joyful, sociable mood at that moment, but things sort of got out of hand.

He said he didn't remember me.

For once, I thought that it was his sister using the computer, but after several pokes and interrogations, I realized it was really him. He was, like, playing the "who-are-you-game". I really thought it was a game.

I thought he was having a form of crisis of something, but he refused to admit a thing. He just typed, and I quote, "nothing that concerns you". Just like that. And I asked him, "so your past 17 years of childhood is of no more importance to you?" He just went, "yes." When I tried my luck and poushed him with a "why?", he went ballistic, typing expletives in complete UPPERCASE. I was beyond shocked.

This is seriously the first time where I had heartache for a lost of a friend (and I'm hoping he isn't, lost I mean). Many times I have just forgotten and stepped away from my friends. There were just too many good memories, too many good times and bad times spent together. Severed ties are just painful, much more than being assaulted by a volley of stones.

I question whether it was because I had treated him in a certain way in the past. If I did, I truly regret my actions now. If I didn't, I would still blame myself for being a horrible person I always am.

I didn't know friendship was that powerful. That feeling... My heart tugging on invisible strings, my mind clashing, my thoughts jumbling up in a hurricane of sky and sea.

What have I done? What have I become?

Is Life Worth Living - Part 1

Part 1: Bittersweet Chocolate

I would say no.

I would always say no when I'm in a melancholic mood, whenever I feel misery, sadness, grief. At those moments of time, life seem meaningless, life seems without purpose. I would feel lost, misplaced in the world, like I was imported from the Sahara desert to the bitter and cold tundras of the north. Successful people, as they would like to be called, would say that I am merely under an illusion, making stupid choices out of sheer whim and stupidity of the heart. Contented people, people who feel that life is 'just right' for them, would say that I am exaggerating. Selfish and antisocial people would ask me to shut up.

And I would, shut up I mean.

But my heart is still hurt. Many a times I would think of killing myself, ending my existence on this planet Earth. I mean, I was thinking that life was worth nothing. That alone seemed to be the perfect justificaton for plunging the kitchen knife through my heart, or slicing my wrist and soaking it in the bathtub. Whatever. As long as I do not need to feel any pain anymore, it seems like the best action to take.

Why don't I?

"I'm afraid of dying."

Who isn't? People have been living so long that the act of living is almost a habitual must in their systems. Or perhaps, people are just fearful of pain, a mechanical trigger that will set you in emotional instability. And guess what, people hate to be instable, most of the time at least. How 'bout those brave 'kamikaze' fighters? Were they afriad when they killed themselves? I know that Japanese culture places more reverance in loyalty to the country, and the act of sacrificing oneself for the country's goodwill is the best way a Japanese can die. But, seriously. They were afraid, weren't they? Humans, or animals in general, are built in with one common trait, instinctial survival.

"Fearless soldiers are better equipped mentally as they do not care about dying, their concentration is all put into fighting."

"However, people who fear dying would do anything to fight for their lives, that is their trump suit."

I was doing nothing to fight for my life, yet it still seemed worthless. My life that is. Life is like a bar of bittersweet chocolate. If you can't learn to enjoy the bittersweet flavour, you won't enjoy life that much. If you are chocolate intolerant, you must as well just die. And let me tell you something, people go through this stage in life. Some don't make it to the next round. I'm lucky to not be one of those people.

Yet.

October 11

Quote of the day: I don't have one, too bad.

I should have posted something on September 11, not October 11, but I'm a very late person. First thing first, you've gotta check this out:

Borat

It's a trailer of a new movie coming out in November 2006 (US). Good stuff. Something tells me the Malaysian censorship board won't allow it here...

Next, DO NOT CLICK THIS BUTTON!

I just had my Mellissa Moment yesterday in LS7. In the midst of a Chemistry discussion, I strayed to a Sarah-look-alike and talked to here as if I've known her for so long. Alas, she wasn't Sarah, and the spectators behind me laughed their heads off. Hardy har har. I felt so stupid, but who wouldn't. And she DOES look like Sarah. I'll post a picture of both of them for comparison if I get the opportunity to.

I'll go bath in my stupidity, thank you.

API 81 PJ

Quote of the day: When life gives you bread, don't make sandwiches, make bread jelly.

The API reading for Petaling Jaya averaged 81 recently, which is considered moderate. Moderation couldn't come at a better time. During the fasting month, it is bad enough that Muslims experience hunger, now they have to put up with the unsightly amount of smoke in the air. My pity lies with the young children. Young infants like Mr. A's 22-months son are already catching the plague (exaggeration here), bad enough to ground him at home and unable to attend the leadership camp. Such is life.

The worst act I've seen is smokers smoking so much smoke they possibly could be the major cause of the haze to start with. And they cough. Badly. If I stayed to watch them any longer I bet they would vomit out blood. It's not like we have no trouble moving through the dense foliage of haze, the smokers add even more particles in front of them. They should go blind too.

We (not the smokers) hope that the reading drops drastically (not moderately). Till then, BAH-HUM-BUG!