Is Life Worth Living - Part 1

Part 1: Bittersweet Chocolate

I would say no.

I would always say no when I'm in a melancholic mood, whenever I feel misery, sadness, grief. At those moments of time, life seem meaningless, life seems without purpose. I would feel lost, misplaced in the world, like I was imported from the Sahara desert to the bitter and cold tundras of the north. Successful people, as they would like to be called, would say that I am merely under an illusion, making stupid choices out of sheer whim and stupidity of the heart. Contented people, people who feel that life is 'just right' for them, would say that I am exaggerating. Selfish and antisocial people would ask me to shut up.

And I would, shut up I mean.

But my heart is still hurt. Many a times I would think of killing myself, ending my existence on this planet Earth. I mean, I was thinking that life was worth nothing. That alone seemed to be the perfect justificaton for plunging the kitchen knife through my heart, or slicing my wrist and soaking it in the bathtub. Whatever. As long as I do not need to feel any pain anymore, it seems like the best action to take.

Why don't I?

"I'm afraid of dying."

Who isn't? People have been living so long that the act of living is almost a habitual must in their systems. Or perhaps, people are just fearful of pain, a mechanical trigger that will set you in emotional instability. And guess what, people hate to be instable, most of the time at least. How 'bout those brave 'kamikaze' fighters? Were they afriad when they killed themselves? I know that Japanese culture places more reverance in loyalty to the country, and the act of sacrificing oneself for the country's goodwill is the best way a Japanese can die. But, seriously. They were afraid, weren't they? Humans, or animals in general, are built in with one common trait, instinctial survival.

"Fearless soldiers are better equipped mentally as they do not care about dying, their concentration is all put into fighting."

"However, people who fear dying would do anything to fight for their lives, that is their trump suit."

I was doing nothing to fight for my life, yet it still seemed worthless. My life that is. Life is like a bar of bittersweet chocolate. If you can't learn to enjoy the bittersweet flavour, you won't enjoy life that much. If you are chocolate intolerant, you must as well just die. And let me tell you something, people go through this stage in life. Some don't make it to the next round. I'm lucky to not be one of those people.

Yet.