Me and My Moron-ic Memory

I am a very forgetful person, seriously. It's surprising how people correlate memory and intelligence together. During examination seasons, people will gaze at you with awe for reciting things in order, then they'll ask you, "Why you so smart one, ar?" If my memory was that great, why can't I even remember my sister's handphone number? Why can't I remember people's faces and names? Why can't I remember my good friend's birthday?

Okay, enough with my memory, today I'll be reviewing the blog of the great-but-don't-know-whether-she-should-be-called-great-or-
whether-she-is-great-in-the-first-place-mae-the-gay. Mae is gay, definitely. Happy, not homosexual. But if she is homosexual in the first place, does it matter? AHA. Me and my bad sense of humor. Her blog, which, apparently, is still new, already has too many pictures to comprehend. I mean, posting too many pictures of yourself in your blog = egotistical nature. I mean really, it's not good for the visitors' eyes. I practically speed-scrolled down her blog till I came to the Mallacan food part. YUMMY. Who can resist food? The overview verdict is 'On Par', and let me tell you something: that's a very good rating. You may check out Mae the Gay's blog through the Special Mention column on your right.

This Friday, there will be a GMB concert at City Harvest, Kuala Lumpur. To those who do not know what GMB is, it is a Christian Worship Band from Indonesia named 'Giving My Best', which is, like, very the good. To all paradoxicalmouth visitors, I strongly encourage you to go, no matter who you are! Remember, this Friday, 8 pm. Don't be late, ar? (I don't know why I bothered to advertise here, as there aren't many who would even bother to visit ths page in the first place, but oh well.)

ARGH, I'm suddenly museless again. Me and my moron-ic muse. See you another day!

Deep Waters

My first right aligned post. We start off with a poem.

He was looking at all other places,

But never where he should have;
He looked down to the reflection,
Finding himself looking above.

OMG JU I LOVED THIS!!! BTW, Ju is The Guitarist.

Finally - Fergie

MMMMMMMM

Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream
Cinderella theme
Crazy as it seems
Always knew that deep inside that there would come that day
But I would have to wait
make so many mistakes
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold
This classic story told I left it in the cold
Walking through unopened doors that led me back to you
Each one unlocking more of the truth

I finally stopped tripping on my youth
I finally got lost inside of you
I finally know I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]
Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
Its the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

MMMMMMMM

I remember the beginning you already knew
I acted like a fool
Just trying to be cool
Fronting like it didn't matter
I just ran away
Put on another face
Was lost in my own space
Found what its like to hurt selfishly
I was scared to give up me
Afraid to just believe
I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place
Stumbled through the mess that I have made

Finally got out of my own way
I Finally started living for today
I finally know I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]

MMMMMMMM

Finally, Finally

[chorus]

Ohhhhhhh, Finally, Finally, Finally

I love metaphors, and this song is pretty full of them! This song pretty much explains my relationship with Him. Other than the part about 'I was a baby girl' cause I would be a baby boy then... Enjoy!

Ups and Downs 260107

The explosion of fireworks, fanfare and the media insanely clicking on their cameras to capture the perfect moment of celebrities walking on the red carpet. Welcome to the first multi-annual:

Part 260107.

So, you must be seated on one of those expensive leatherback chairs, relaxing to the wonderfully picked background music, talking to other celebrities sitting around you. And after a very long wait due to Malaysian timing, we are ready to start the event. Our host is no other than the famous duo themselves:

The Bikini Bottom hosts.

Yes, I hear you screaming with joy for the appearance of one of the world's most popular holed-creature, but you better sit down ma'am...

First up on our list is the Downs category. The category is created especially to reward to remind us of the horrifyingly bad and terrible things we have came across so far. Who will be ranked top in this genre?

5. The first from the back is FATTINESS. It's not good to be fat. People call you fat. And then you'll have a low-self esteem. Go and workout, silly!
4. Sitting at number 4, we have BAD HABITS. Bad habits are horrible, especially when they become very constant and untreatable. There is still hope! Go and condition yourself out of this habits!
3. Third on the lost is FINANCIAL INSTABILITY. You know you aren't working and you spend like you are. Don't be a fool.
2. The first runner up is THE FLOOR. Because no matter what, you can't NOT agree that the ground isn't, erm..., down.
1. And the topper for today's Down's Category is LYING! Lying is bad. Period.

Last but not least, we have the Ups list, where we give thanks to all things that are high up and imcredibly miraculous.

5. First we have the fifth place taker: INTELLIGENCE. No need to be humble, accept the fact that you're smart. Smart, but not dilligent.
4. The third runner up is no other than MUSIC. Beautiful music to be exact. Of course, it is subject to a person's taste and style and mood.
3. Lucky number three has COMPANY on it. Great company included good friends who care for you.
2. Placed in the second seat, we have THE SKY. I think you're smart snough to know why.
1. The topper of all toppers is GOD'S GRACE.

Thanks for coming to today's Ups and Downs. Glad you liked the attention.

I KNOW IT IS BORING. I JUST HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO WRITE ABOUT YET!

The Summary

7.00 am - Woke up, feeling energetic!

7.30 am - Breakfast. Sarawak style noodles.

8.00 am - Rotting in front of the computer. Wasting away time with my stupid habits.

9.30 am - Received shocking news from Mell. Still quite blur.

10.00 am - Get ready for college.

10.30 am - Head for college. Forgot both wallet AND phone. Luckily was only 1 block away from my house. Thank God.

11.00 am - Bus station. Ally boarded not long after.

11.30 am - Reach college/uni. Found out the SLE thingy was at 1.00 pm rather then 12.00 pm.

12.00 pm - All About Mee with Ally and Sam, and with Josh not long after.

1.00 pm - SLE talk. Who is May and Choy anyway?

2.00 pm - Take bus.

2.30 pm - Josh's lunch.

3.00 pm - Blitz. Medusa. Lost. CS. Bla.

5.00 pm - Reached Ally's house. Had the determination not to shout back at the 'hurtful' Indian security guard.

5.30 pm - Photostat sermons.

6.00 pm - Sunway for dinner at the chinese restaurant.

7.30 pm - Reached CHC.

8.00 pm - Li Ching's treasure hunt. Fun but sweaty. Praise and Worship and Preaching.

10.00 pm - Head to Williams with Sam, Poh Sim, Julian, Josh and Hazel. Hazel drove us.

10.30 pm - William's Ribena Lychee + Cheese Naan (with more cheese than you think there is) = Bloated Min Huei. Jamie Ang was there too.

11.30 - Hazel sends me back.

12.00 pm - Write this post. Too full to sleep. But feeling sleepy now. Feeling empty but will feel it with spiritual food. Nitez.

Being Best

The life of a perfectionist can be far from being perfect. In fact, perfectionists tend to life a trying to fix all the mistakes in their life, trying to make their world seem idealistic. It is often that a realist or even the real world itself can bring a perfectionist down to the ground, literally, and other realists would just trample over them, without a pinch of empathic misery. I'm not just talking about myself; there are millions of people who had gotten overrunned at least once in their lifetime, and it isn't exactly their fault to be honest.

I used to know what being academically best is like: the warm fuzzy admiration by others when the world seem to suddenly pause for eternity. Then emptiness. People walk away from you and continue their lifes, as if you were just another temporary pitstop, then you stand alone, asking yourself, "What is the meaning of life?".

If you asked me whether I had a best friend before, I would answer this.

"No."

A sad answer I would say, but I have never had a best friend I could trust all my secrets with, a best friend I could find to share my problems, a best friend to celebrate the moments of joy with, a best friend who would cry with you during your darkest hours, changing those moments into the best moments of your life.

Never.

I used to treat friends like strangers, not caring for them, not caring for the possibility that they might die anytime soon. Of course, it just isn't nice to even think them as dead, but you know what I mean. I used to think I knew who my friends were, and how they were like. Yet, I failed to prove that right, as they usually would surprise me more then I can surprise them. I envy those who walk together on a same road, sharing their lifes as if they were one.

I have changed though. I know can't live without friends. When I get home from college, the only thing I would do is to sit in front of the computer, patiently waiting to talk with a selected few I consider myself dedicated to. Sometimes, I get what I waited for: company. Sometimes, I just get the same silence again.

Don't let me go through it again.

Would you be my best friend?

Coconut Jelly

My mum just came back from teaching yoga and she brought us some jelly coconut.

An unopened jelly coconut.

Jelly coconuts seem to look like an ordinary baby coconut and its content is only betrayed when the lid is opened.

The lid is opened, releasing its aromatic jelly coconut scent.

One thing is for sure: jelly coconuts are refreshing and are good for health. To new gourmets, the jelly coconut might taste a little fermented, but that is quite ordinary. The sweetness comes from the original flavour of the coconut, with seemingly no added sugar. So to those health freaks, go get them. Some people might find the jelly to be a little 'jelak-ing' or in english, unbearable after a while, so it might be a wise idea to share one amongst friends.

The stall selling this can be found at the SS2 wet market in between the food court and the wide and white parking lot, on Sunday mornings.

Running out of Titles

These days, I really cannot find a suitable title for the things I blog about. So, yea, I'm runnng out of titles...

1. First on the list of blog-gable issues is my friend's 'addiction' for the anime 'Ouran High School Host Club'. A host club is a club where its members will host events and, erm... use methods of charming girls... Since I know there are people who cannot read long passages of text without falling asleep on their keyboard and making the computer go 'WOOO' and typing random letters over in Microsoft Word , I plan to add pictures for your visual purposes. To the bottom is just an image of the characters in the anime.

Ouran High School Host Club

I don't understand how they can become so addicted to the show, and as they talked about it at the back of Ally's car yesterday, I was left to sit in front and wonder whether I should, like, butt in their conversation. I watched the anime once, and it IS funny, but I am just too lazy to download anime this days. When I went to find out a little of the history behind this anime, I found this: "The series started as a manga serialized in Lala magazine on August 5, 2003." When I searched what Lala magazine was, this was what I found: "LaLa is a monthly Japanese Shojo manga magazine published by Hakusensha, aimed primarily at teenage girls. It is released on the 24th of each month."

AHAHAHAHA. Aimed at teenage girls. Nevermind-la, those people are girls anyway.

An extract from the Lala Magazine, for lala-zhai. AHA.

2. Remember what I talked about my previous blog? The one about my freshmen lunch? Let me tell you something: It is WHOA! They had like, food, good food. Mushroom Rice, Fried Chicken, Rendang Chicken, Salt and Pepper Squid (I like this a lot!), Butter Prawns, Roast Lamb (Which they roasted on the spot outside KPD Block E), Vegetables (I think it was Kailan, but not sure...), Fish Infused Tofu, Fried Fishballs, Yummy Chocolate Brownies (Heavenly), Fruit Tarts and Jelly. I mean, I think I would have joined Psycho just for the food if you tod me about this lunch. :D

And they had to make us put on these academic robes which was really more like winter clothing in this hot and humid Malaysian weather. The speeches was quite inspirational. I mean, with Dr. Goh always on the go, what can go wrong?

3. Julian went dating yesterday. Who can the lucky person be? Wait, am I supposed to say this?

4. I feel really, really jealous of boo_licius's blog at http://masak-masak.blogspot.com/. She goes around the KL/PJ region and eats all the good food. In her latest post, she was advertising one of the KL mee rebus. ARGH. Food is my weakness. I suggest you brwose through her blog if you want to find good food. Or if you want to feast on the pictures, which seem to be very professionally taken.

Mee rebus with Rojak Sotong

5. To a certain someone. Just relax, everything is gong to be fine. Maybe you were just confused. Maybe you look at people wrong. But don't forget to hope!

Food but No Food

I woke up at 6.30 am today, but I was still a little stiff from previous days. And today, I was going to fast, no more breakfast, no more lunch, no more dinner and no more binging away my sorrows (which I don't really have now, but I still like to binge). Soon after, I had to walk to the bus station about 1.5 km away. I sometimes wonder why I seem to be unfit although I walk so much everyday; I think walking doesn't work for me. Plus, Sam said I was fat yesterday (in a good sort of way), so I think I better start watching my body... I mean, better not grow sideways too much.

I had to do the first part of my naturalistic observation today at McD, and we were to record the difference of the number of males and females versus the different ways of opening a swing door (push or pull). I was positioned outside, and the fumes from both McD and Restoran Dinar Maju kind of reminded me of food, but my stomach endures! What really annoyed me was the McD cleaner who totally disrupted our experiment, opening doors for the customers... Amusing though. Plus I was blessed with all the company who happened to pass by my observation spot, so lucky me. Another thing was that I instinctively hummed the tune to Sugababes 'Push the Button', and as I went into McD after the observation ended, I heard it playing over the McD fm. When I went to Registry 1 to get my result transcript, it played on someone's phone. If this isn't an omen, you tell me.

It's very sad and boring when most of your friends' blogs on your list isn't updated often, especially Miss Spirited Taxi and Miss Stayla Ho. Come on, keep me entertained.

Looking forward to the Stayla Ho partay, but must remind myself to make Bread Jelly and Apple Crumble, and try to make my own Vanilla Sauce. Also, I think there will be a gathering-ish thing at Williams (FOOD!!!) near Lim Kwok Wing at Taman Mayang, so I'll be there for the food. I mean the people :). My goodness, why is everything I seem to be blogging about seemingly be related to food? Irony. Oh, plus I can hardly wait for the Freshmen lunch tomorrow, WEE! I hope what Dr. Goh said about the availability of 'good food' is true. More food, YAY ME!

Talking about more food, I have to say that what most people say about Penang having wonderful food is kinda an over-exaggeration. Not to say that there isn't any good food altogether, but the good food isn't everywhere, and usually you'll need to search high and low to get that perfect laksa. Penang Laksa isn't my thing. Sarawak Laksa for the win. But Penang Char Kueh Tiow (hope I spelled it correctly... sorry, I'm a banana) is good at most places.

Okayla, enough we the food, I think I better go and revise my BS now. Must eat of the spiritual I need :P. See you around!

Edit:

Okay, the party won't be at Williams, quite sad. Apparently it isn't 'yeng' enough. How can they say that about the food!?!? Oh well, I hope the new replacement won't burn a hole in my wallet, must plan finances well...

I was suddenly inspired to make food for tomorrow, so that I can break fast with style. My brain just yelled out "Potato Salad", so there I go. I was almost done making it when I realized I didn't have mushrooms, and cream of mushroom, and milk. So my potato salad will not be that great. I added corn bits inside for additional flavour, can't wait till tomorrow!

I actually decided to play naughty and just break fast at 12.00 am this midnight but there is a voice telling me to wait. My instinct tells me the Holy Spirit wants me to wait. :D

Pr0n Production

Today I will be advertising what I would like to call a 'Special Mention' , a website named Pan Production. My initial reaction was that the name of the site sounded like a pr0n site, no offence. However, the site proved to be just an expression of creativity and artwork. Yay for me. You can access this site in the Special mention list on the right, there's only one so you won't miss it.

And to a certain someone, hope.

Explosion of Flaming Shrapnel

I suddenly feel like I'm in a mood to blog, and all those things I waned to blog about suddenly emerges and obliterates, raining the land with shards of truth. Whether it's tainting the earth is another story altogether.

Be reminded that the next few things I will be blogging about is going to be strangely vivid. So if you do want to continue, please have an open mind, for I will not lie here.





1. I had a dream about one week ago. You must understand that I usually experience what I would call blank or black dreams, where the only memory of the adventures you had the night before is seen as a sheet of black carbon paper. But the fact that I could remember this dream, and physically wanted to sleep more just to find out the outcome of the dream, made this dream feel important and real. It all started vaguely in a strange mansion, and a series of unclear events led me to think that it was Josh's house. I mean, I saw him, I saw me, I saw the house, and since the house couldn't be mine, it should be his. Or his dad's. Yes, the strangest part of the dream was that I saw Josh's dad, I didn't know why, but it just happened.

We were talking to each other when suddenly we had a disagreement. Wait, I think I spilled milk on the floor. And Josh suddenly started to be angered and scold me, threaten me with words of which I shall not elaborate. His father started joining the fight, on his side. And I tried hard to defend myself, but I was wrong technically, and being in a position where I have no command, I just couldn't retaliate. And then I woke up. If this isn't some form of omen, you tell me. When I woke up (although I really wanted to wait for the outcome), I just didn't know which one to be afraid of: the fact that Josh was being a dream enemy, or Josh having his dad beside him. I labelled that dream a nightmare.

2. I think I'm over with the person I thought I was in love with. I don't know the reason why, but deep down inside, I know it is fault on my side. She doesn't even know a thing till today! However, I do know one thing: I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER. I'm sure about that, and I won't lie. But, somehow, I know that it just is never meant to be, at least not yet. I'm also happy that it's over, when it haven't even started.

Now, who is the girl, you might ask. Sorry, but you have to be a little patient, it just isn't the time yet, sorry!

3. I'm officially a Christian. Although perhaps not legally yet (Not yet 21, mar...). I'm happy about it. I heard Sheryn say something about Sam being one too. Is that true? Why am I always the last to know things...

4. Today I went to visit the feverish Ally with both Sam and Josh, and this being the absolute FIRST time I visited a sick friend in his/her house, it's something exciting. Sam and I cooked vegetarian beehoon and ginger team for her. Our cooking leaves much to be desired for. The beehoon had practically not much soup left, and what seemed to be a little uncooked beehoon multiplied to an entire bowl of it. I felt bad that we had to waste it all by throwing it away, but it's just another lesson learnt. The ginger tea, although was drinkable, was seriously not sweet enough. Now I know what Ally meant by 'just throw the sugar in'.

We also took her to the doctor. Nothing serious la, the fever was already quite down when she arrived at the clinic. Was it our treatment? :) As for Ally, you better come to Uni tomorrow, ar? Got quiz you know? Forget about cineleisure and seeing Night at the Museum, go and sleep!

5. Okay, I ran out of things to talk about. SHEESH! And I still feel like I can go on for the whole night. Talk about writer's bloc. BAH! See you tomorrow, with newer pieces of flaming shrapnel.

What is 'You'?

No, seriously, what is 'you'? You see 'you' in songs, but you don't know who it is. You see many other 'you's in this post. So, who are you?

In my opinion, you are everything I want you to be.

'Everyday I love you more and more.'

Who is that you?

Find your 'you', and be happy for eternity.



P.S.: What does this strange post mean? I don't know, just being metaphorically symbolic. It's funny how I try to type a post day after day but not have any courage to put anything in. But today, this just flowed out, so there you go. Love ya' all!

God Bless.

Everyday I Tell Myself This

Everyday I tell myself this:

The more pain you go through, the brighter the end of the tunnel. The more misery you go through, the more you'll learn to appreciate the good times. The more bitterness in your life, the saltier you will get.

But can I live with this in mind? Everyday I question my existence. But who doesn't? Everyday I tell myself, you're here because you're here. But am I? Everyday I try to be as happy as possible. But is that really what I feel?

I start to think my feelings are blatant liars. But they can't be, can they? I start to think I'm getting a little inhuman. Does that mean I'm getting 'aliened'? I start to sing with all my heart. But is my heart really singing? How do you tell me? How do I find out?

There has been periods of loneliness. But everyone goes through it, don't they? There has been periods of misfortune. It can't be a bad roll all the time. There has been periods when I'm so confused, and lead others in my path. As they walk down the crooked road, I start to feel the guilt, that they should be spared the pain.

But yet again I found that light, a shining glimmer of hope. It stands out in the open crying, 'come to me and you'll cope'. And miraculously I follow the path, in my hypocrite mind, I see a blinding light, more and more I'm touched.

I'm not alone I know that too, people gone through that same cue. But am I ready yet? I don't know. All that's ready is my soul. But minds alike we share the same. The feelings of scientific gain. Must we, should we, is there something, we should be learning from this yearning?

Yes, there is, as long as you accept. Soon I hope, it's not too late yet.

It's waiting for you, shining it's light. Don't let it down. Don't be blind.

And now, everyday, I tell myself this:

Thank you for everything, thank you for you. And in it's wake I start to love again.