The Void Within

When I went in search of something to fill my heart yesterday, I left the place with my heart emptier. The exhaustion, the hole of nothingness inside me grows bigger. Why?

Am I not prepared to fill that void yet? Am I not sure what to fill that void with?

People seem to be so fulfilled just because their void has been filled, but what if that wasn't meant for me. What if I wasn't meant for that?

Confusion.

And now I think I'm very scared. Very worried. Not by the Almighty but of his servants' faith. The love that is overwhelming. But why do they act so?

I'm really empty. Emptier. And I felt betrayal. Mistrust. Unless of course, that was fate. It was meant to happen. But how can I be sure of that? Maybe I'm not supposed to. But I'm scared. Very scared.

I'm sorry to those I have hurt and worried yesterday. I thank them for their concern. But the path is mine to walk, mine to discover, and mine to choose.

What do I want?

Which should I choose?

Who do I believe when I can't even believe myself?

Is questioning part of the journey? Is this just a stupid act. Was this fated to happen?

I still wait for your answer.

Please.

Help me help me.