Nothingness

8 friends. 1 life-changing experience.

The past week has been one of the sharper turning points in my life, what with the series of unexpected incidents. And no, the curvy parts weren't made by others, but rather by me. It is my choice to make my life more complicated than I think it should be. Or do I? Is it possible that my life IS that complicated? It it was, why me?

A certain someone was hurt on my recent vacation to Langkawi. What seems to be images of my friends in pain turned out to be reflections of myself. I was the one with the most pain. I didn't get it. Everyone could heal so fast, could smile like they had the all the sunshine in their minds, all the love in their hearts. But when I start to reminisce, I realize how blind I was, how oblivious I have been. I thought I knew people better than they knew me. Little did I know that I didn't know myself at all.

I took so long to write this post, I didn't know why. There were times I teared, sniffling over misery. But most of the times, I had that empty feeling. The silence. The revelation was painful.

I couldn't feel anything anymore.

I really couldn't.

The feelings for her, the feelings for everyone else, the feelings for myself, has vanished into nothingness. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe my emotions are shutting down on me. But, what if they went away and never came back? I'm scared... I'm worried I can never be the same person anymore. I'm worried that no one will look me in the eyes the same way. I'm worried that I can't look at myself the same way.