Step of Transparency

I have not posted any new threads in a FULL week. However, today I will reveal something that I have never revealed before, and never dreamt of revealing. I'm going to share with everyone how powerful the paradox of God can be.

Today, as some of you might already know, is Good Friday. I am going to show you how my life has be changed since last year. And this is all truth, no lies, no cover-ups, no selective deposit, no modifications.

October 2006

I call it the 18 Phase, or Early Life Crisis. I know some of you would already know what I am talking about. It is the special phase of transformation that people would go through. I was left depressed, confused and full of guilt.

10 December 2006

Ally invited me over for Thanksgiving service at City Harvest, KL. A night of splendour, glama and extravagantly incredible fashion show with the theme avant-garde. It was then that a strong presence of God washed over me.

11 December 2006

Dear Pastor Kevin,

After experiencing the intensifying Thanksgiving function on the 10th of November, I have some ideas to share with you. You were busy taking photographs after the event though, and instead of disturbing your celebration, I have chosen to write you this letter so you can slowly read and understand my words of hopeful wisdom.

First and foremost, you have to understand that I am not a religious person. No, I am a practicing atheist. Don’t get me wrong; being an atheist will mean that I don’t believe in God, but that doesn’t mean I cannot believe in a certain power that is above us all. The only difference is I do not ‘conform’ to that certain power. However, the reason I write this letter is not to debate on the existence of God, but merely to share a certain something with you. The fact that I do not believe in the church institution makes what I am going to say more worthy.

If there are only 2 groups of people in the world, I would belong to the ‘seeing-is-believing’ group instead of the ‘believing-is-seeing’ group. Whatever I choose to believe is usually due to the factual reasoning of a scientific mind. In layman terms, I am a man of science, not a man of faith. Sometimes I ask myself: how can people devote themselves to the work of something that was never proven to exist? However, during the Thanksgiving event, I have noticed something we share in common: we strongly believe in our beliefs. It is technically not wrong to choose whether you should believe in God or not, but as long as what you believe in stands firm, it will strengthen you.

When my friend, Julian Loh, first told me about you being the pastor, I was honestly in shock and disbelief for a moment. How can such a young-looking man be a determined and dedicated senior pastor? (You look younger than your age, so that’s a compliment.) To me, it just doesn’t make sense. But as the event proceeded, I observed how powerful your (and other people’s) belief in God has an effect on other people. You seriously touched my heart, not by the powers of God (To you in can be put that way, though.) but more of the power of believed beliefs.

Sometimes I feel lost, and when I find myself again, I discovered that the moment of disorientation was due to my disruption of believed beliefs. I occasionally question my beliefs, not because I deny or suspect them of accuracy, but because I always require conformation and security. But one thing is for sure: believing in something that you belief in does make you stronger in person. I don’t understand how this works, but it just seems to happen.

Just recently, I have experienced a very special something called love. Or at least, that is what I think it is. I’m not sure whether it is truly love though. I mean, I have had crushes on others before, so I do know how crushes feel like. But this time, it is different. I had that tug in my heart. That flitter in my stomach. The way I unconsciously treat her. It wasn’t like the way I treat other girls, but it took a long time before having the thought that it might be love. And guess what? Being in love DOES transform a person. I have transformed, and my friends and lecturers can be walking testimonial of that. I was actually blind to all those changes at first, till someone illuminated me about it.

I am not writing to talk about my love life. I just want to tell you what I believe in:

What is God if not love itself?

I believe in the powers of love. And I know love, because the reason of my love was not because of beautiful looks, not because of materialistic views, but because it just happened. And every time I think about love, I realize that love IS God. Love IS that certain power above all.

I find the City Harvest Church to be a very unique church. I compliment you for infusing certain modern elements into the church, which is a very powerful strategy. And that is the result of a brilliant man’s brilliant mind. And the level of believed beliefs during Thanksgiving? Otherworldly. During the whole event, I find myself to be brought back to reality, and that reinforces my belief of love. Your (or perhaps, everyone’s) church actually made me safe. I don’t know why. Don’t get me wrong, I still do not believe in God. It would be unwise and probably unsuccessful to transform me into a Christian. It’s not like I have a ‘thing’ against any religion, but it is just my beliefs. My beliefs do not conflict, but more of run parallel with yours.

I thank you for your time in reading this hopefully inspirational letter. There are many things that I have left to say to you, but it putting too much in a letter is not a wise thing to do. I am planning to visit the City Harvest Church one day soon with Julian and Alison (The emcee for the Thanksgiving event.) because I need to be inspired once more. I need to know the true meaning of love. One thing is for sure, this event will change my life forever, for the better.

With lots of love,

Min Huei

P.S.: I didn’t really like the loud music but I still enjoyed the rest of the night. I was the Stage Manager for my College’s Departmental Ball, and I know how tough it is to coordinate an event of this scale. So, congratulations to you and your whole team for a job much more than well done.

15 December 2006

Dear Min Huei,

First and foremost, I want to thank you for writing to us and truly appreciate all your words of encouragement.

From the email, I gather that you are a semi-atheist because a staunch atheist would not believe in anything at all, whether power from above or those from below (evil forces). From young I knew life meant more than days on earth. I somehow sensed that mankind could not evaporate into oblivion just like that after they die. Thus began my search for meaning in life. I tried religions. You name it, I tried them all yet I never had that peace within me until that day I came in contact with a pastor. I learnt and I realized that Christianity was not a religion but a relationship. A relationship between the creation and his creator! I gave it a try and the rest was history.

Let me give you a simple illustration:

If you walk on the street tomorrow and you find some coins scattered all over the place, your logical reaction would be: It is an accident. Someone might have dropped them.

But if you go and walk on the street the day after and you find 2 stacks of 5 coins on each side, then logic will tell you that someone might have arranged them. You may not know who stacked them but it just cannot be an accident.

Thus, to believe in the Big Bang Theory than a Creator would require more faith and more believe.

Not everything in life is visible. The Bible tells us that God made all things visible with invisible substance. OK… I know you do not believe in God and I am not trying to convert you. But the reality is this. There are many things that we cannot see yet we still believe that they exist. I will come back to this.

Physics tells us that an object can travel so fast that it can appear in 2 places at any one time. In Quantum Physics this is called Super-positioning. IBM is right now actively trying to create this by having a ram so fast that it can process trillions of data at any one or two points. Just try to shake your fingers really fast and you would find yourself having more than just 5 fingers on one hand. If that is what we see, then what we see may not be what it is. And things that we do not see may not mean that they do not exist. By the time we see the stars in the sky (due to the distance) the stars would have exploded or disappeared thousands of years ago. So, the question is does the star still exist or not?

The ability to believe and not-believe is only found in mankind. I would say this is encoded by God into every human being. And it is this that makes us different from other creatures. The desire to know and believe/not-believe in God or anything is so strongly embedded in us because we have a spirit. This spirit within us causes us to search and find meaning in life. This spirit within us creates a longing; it can be for love, for meaning in life or for success in life. But ultimately it is the knowledge of God and the acceptance of Him that would satisfy that desire. You know it but you may not be able to explain it. Just like love. But at times, it is not for us to know why because we are just not capable to understand it. That is when faith and trust become such important elements in our lives. By the way, in the Bible it is written that God is love. And somehow you knew it… love is the closest thing a person can come to in experiencing God. For the entire Bible is about God’s love to His people!

Can I prove it? Well, since I believe in God, I can. For way too many times, God would answer my prayers. His tangible presence is just so real that it is impossible for me to deny its existence. And Jesus, who was born and died on the cross… and then resurrected on the third day! This is not just a good Christian story but an actual historical event. The Romans hated Jesus and if the cross was a fiction, they would have burnt all the facts and documents long time ago. But the reality is people are willing to die for their faith. Why would people die for a fiction? It is either Jesus truly exists or these people are just nuts!

I am glad you wrote. It is always good to hear from another perspective. What I practiced in my church is a result of a very strong foundation embedded within me. To be a relevant Christian is to be the salt and light of this world, to bring flavor and direction into others’ lives – not through by own limited human ability but the power from above that is at work within me.

Have a blessed weekend,

KEVIN and all of us at CHC!

January 2007

I finally accepted Christ. My life changed. All because of one man. One God. One love. Can you feel it too? I am a happier man now, with a strong purpose in life. When I look back at the letter I have sent, I feel quite stupid. One thing is for sure, I have NEVER seen myself accepting Christ, NEVER seen myself believing in God, and NEVER seen myself doing it so fast. The power of God definitely changes the impossible to the possible.

7 April 2007 is Tomorrow,

and I ask you to come for a great Easter production at City Harvest, KL. I hope that you will find or preferably make some time to come to this production, because I promise you, it will BLOW you away. I ask you that you come, at least as a birthday present for me (which is on April 11). Just once, please fulfil my favour.

Click to view a bigger picture.

I want to thank Ally, SHerene and Kevin for everything. Last but not least, I want to thank God for everything, and Jesus my Lord and savior.