Sky Juice Imsoniac
Quote of the Day: Indifference is painful.
Today is the probably my toughest day of the year. I would prefer to have 2 research papers due tomorrow rather than to delve in such complexities in life. The pool I am swimming in has suddenly become so much bigger and deeper, till I can't see either the bottom or the coast, and being stranded in the middle is not making things better.
The truth is, I think I have changed a lot over this few months. Even Ms. Chia and the other lecturers notices this. I can't tell if it was for the better. What I know is that I am not comfortable in this new suit of mine.
Secondly, I think I have done the biggest mistake EVER in my life. I am so doomed. It's like adding salt to everyone's bowl of soup when it was initially salty. Now everyone is gonna get mad at me, or at least 2 or 3 in mind. Let me tell you something: talking about life and love for 3 hours, straight, is very invigorating. And you can actually learn stuff that you might not be ready for.
And here I am, paralyzed to the computer screen, as if my body would not allow me to move away till I have spilled something dear to me, something I would have never told anyone with my presenting self. But I can't. Telling the something will hurt others more than it will hurt me, and guilt will be back to haunt me. Guilt is not at all fun to be with. I know that for a fact, having spent my whole life with him.
Alone.
That's what, or perhaps how, I am feeling now.
I have been lonely for long enough. 17 years of indifference.
Suffocation. Vindication. Desolation.
Misery.
WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF?
I think I am going mad. Stupid insecure me.
One thing I can be sure about: life is not going to be the same again.
posted by chaiminhuei @ 5:35 PM
2 Comments:
Look.
I don't really get your post.
Especially when my Stats textbok is in front of me. but let me see.
Ur only giving me half the details.
Anyway, whatever you did. I guess it's already done. You can't undo things you have done. So..
And yup, you Have changed Min Huei, for the better I suppose because you changed but kept what's the best of you IN you. And. You're not the only one in the middle of the pool. Trust me. If it was really a pool, it wouldn't even be enough. Maybe an ocean perhaps. And, i you ever feel alone, please don't. It's miserable to feel alone. Enjoy life while you can. You can't be 18 forever. :)
and i don't spam.
Min Huei,
No matter how big the swimming pool is, you will eventually see the bottom or the coast one day. Just the matter of time for u to search for it..
I think u have changed to a person that everyone loves.. :)
When you talk about life and relationship, u can learn a lot of things as different ppl have different experience in their life.
And you are not alone. U still have friends that care for u and friends that who will help u during hard times.
Every decision u make will definitely change ur life. Good or bad only. Always remember to make wise decisions.
Post a Comment
<< Home