paradoxicalmouth

MOVING...

2007-11-25T22:29:00.001+08:00

Moved here:

www.maximalminimality.blogspot.com

KAKAKAKA.

Becoming More Than An Ordinary Choir

2007-10-08T18:19:00.000+08:00

I believe that as a choir, we should be able to demonstrate our versatility in singing all forms of songs and genres, not only Christian songs in the church sanctuary. We should also be able to showcase our wide vocal range and push our singing capabilities beyond what we are currently capable. Then, we are able to shine brighter in this world.

I recently discovered a few wonderful choir pieces which are either very unusual or outstanding. They might not be typical church choirs, but its all about performance. Enjoy!

1. SMKB Choir - National Winner of 2005 National Choir Competition
This team represented the Sarawak team in 2005, when I was in my school's choir team. We only got as far as the district level, but our choir teacher showed us the national winner. There is a distinct voice of a girl singing in the background, it could be the camerawomen trying to sing with the choir... Remember that this is only a school choir.

2. The Hollywood Film Chorale Sound Effects Choir - Honda Advertisement UK 2006
Also known as plain 'Honda Choir', the amazing team directed by Steve Sidwell did an amazing job on the replication of sounds.

3. Nintendo Acapella Medley
Imagine all the background music (BGM) from the Nintendo classics like Super Mario Bros., Dr. Mario, Tetris, Mortal Kombat and Zelda, all done by an acapella assemble. Impressively original and entertaining. Pay attention to Tetris especially, hillarious!!!

4. Animated Gospel Choir - Britain's Got Talent
Puppet choir, pure genius! This proves that there is more than one medium to present a choir.

5. Oh Happy Day - Sister Act 2
This video list would be imcomplete without an extract from the movie Sister Act 2 starring Whoopi Goldberg. The main boy is Ryan Toby, acting as 'Ahmal' James, and he was only 16 years old when he hit the E6+ whistle note register. Currently, he is working more as a songwriter, composing songs for Usher and the likes.

6. One Winged Angel - The Black Mages
This would probably be the most well-known choir pieces amonst young children and teens. This was originally a final boss theme song from the popular Playstation 1 game Final Fantasy VII, and the singing part was done by a synthesizer. The Black Mages, a popular Japanese rock band, did their own interpretation of this song with a rock twist and a real life choir. This would be the ideal song to use to reach out to high school children.

You Won't Be Seeing Me Anytime Soon Because...

2007-05-30T20:49:00.000+08:00

I'm going to EMERGE 2007 in Singapore!

Ok, bye bye.

Oh, and before I forget anything:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NG AI LI!

Do you like pink?

See you in 4 days time.

And... II

2007-05-23T21:05:00.000+08:00

And you have to endure the path of flames continued from the stringent usage of tough and inconsistent adjectives by this fleety author. No apologies, but just a vivid reminder.

Clustering poisonous molecules in your bloodstream seems to choke you with a strange epileptic shock, but left you open and vulnerable, yet untouched. Mysterious signs appear to let you start to think and wonder of how the world is going to surprise you anymore.

And I hold in my hands the sweaty thumbprints of all my friends, of all heroic deeds or late nighters and last minute traction is used to maintain their position at a fair level. Did it work? Most left out many biological points leaving me with insufficiency. Bah. And a reminder required to bring thme on the grim 13th.

INSERT MANIACAL LAUGHTER.

For once the only self in me died to exertion to exhaustion but nothing claims to be a friend of this needy powerpoint, the fraction of a single living nightmare shared by a thousand souls. To be consumed is not the most painful, but you need to understand that everything is done through a certain way, a certain intention, and definitely a certain evaluation of thought.

And...

2007-05-22T18:46:00.001+08:00

Everyone thought I was dead.

That's why you are reading a post made by a supposedly-dead friend, one that should have came anytime sooner, but due to who-knows-what, just didn't make the cut.

I don't blame them, I don't blame me, I'm done blaming.

There's no more space for reasonng anyway, no time too. And any spare moment is spent thinking about the delusions of hate and misery, or the flaming wrath of an incompetent student's mouth. Which is good, and bad in the same way. Reasoning it seems, really does not exist within the logic of time.

Snigger.

And each time I stare into a face, I only stare at a mirror, and I see myself standing there like a dummy controlled by a marionette player. Cunning movements of betrayal and confusion, the tragedy.

Fear kills by a single whim. Happiness is required in an infinite amount to even bring back that same amount loss.

Prediction is key.

Day 9 AND 10 AND ALSO 11 - The End of a Beginning

2007-05-06T18:45:00.000+08:00

11 days have passed, and everything seems to be a blur, with the events of each day speeding pass us without warning. 11 days ago, I promised to change my life, and the life of the people around me, but as I look back on the days, I can't help but to think whether anything has gone wrong. 11 days aren't just mere challenges, they are visions of the future which lead my life to a greener pasture.

3 days have passed since the emergence of a terrible problem. My house has been experience a strange electrical problem, and the fuse box will emit strange buzzing noises after any electrical alliance is turned on (even the lights). Then, if lady luck is just not on my side, the whole house goes black, and I'm left to crawl around in the darkness, and my attempts to update my blog just vanished into thin air. I am only able to update this now thanks to my mum's laptop which will (obviously) run on battery if any power cut happens.

2 days ago, things just seemed like a dream, like an interval between the main events.

Yesterday, we had Pastor Jeff Marshall preaching a powerful word.

Today, we had the same thing, with the addition of the visitation to pastor's new store: Culture Couture. Again, the word was sharp and relevant. But, the gift of the mustard seed is a greater gift, a gift that might seem to be microscopic, but with enough care, it will grow into something so powerful. The clothing at Culture Couture were impressively drool-able, but the price tags can send most people into an epileptic fit. Must save up for one of those shirts...

Back to the topic. Had I changed? If I had, did I change enough? Have I change others? If I did, have I changed enough people? Only time will tell, for it takes time for a seed to grow. But I will be faithful, for things will happen if we believe that it would, if we are expectant. I only hope that good things, and not bad ones, are formed.

11 days are over. You can't redeem that stolen time. However, this is only the beginning to a great start, or so, I hope so.

Who Turned The Lights Off

2007-05-06T06:50:00.000+08:00

SOmething is wrong with my house's electrical circuit, it will suddenly jump fuse now and then, not allowing me to update my blog at all. I'm praying that this problem vanishes soon.

Day 7 PLUS 8 - A Cameronian Crossover

2007-05-03T22:02:00.000+08:00

WOW. WOW. WOW.

2 days have passed, and so much has happened. Must as well get started then.

Some of you might have been questioning why I haven't been posting yesterday and the easiest reason would be that I was more than one thousand five hundred kilometres above the sea level. That's right, I was a participant in my cell group's retreat to Cameron Highlands, and the only adjective I can use to describe the whole experience is incredi-extrava-super-ultra-walaowei-magnificent. Although only five of us could make it to this retreat, we overcame the lack of quantity with abundantly intensifying quality.

To those who think I'm on a holiday, I wasn't. This is a retreat.

Holiday (Noun) - A period of cessation from work or one of recreation; vacation.
Retreat (Noun) - A retirement or a period of retirement for religious exercises and meditation.

See the difference yet?

Anyway, we left for Cameron yesterday by bus, and the trip there was insanely long and tiresome and (at times) dark and dank and dizzying. I sat next to Kevin in the bus, and I was and still am glad and exalted that I was blessed with the time to talk, bond and learn more about him. I mean, he was completing his TESOL course in Ipoh so I rarely met him these days. And so we chatted all the way till we reached our destination while the rest attempted to sleep (but failed thanks to our conversation) or stared out the window in boredom.

The bright lights in Tanah Rata completely restored my energy the way a Morning Glory opens up in the morning. We then had a simple but satisfying Chinese sit-down dinner for the first time ever together, after which we bought our breakfast supplies and headed to the hotel. We stayed at the Equatorial Hotel at the peak of Cameron, which was where I stayed at during my previous trip here with my family. Our room had a fantastic view, although the only thing you could see at night is total darkness with rare sights of minute cars moving far below as well as the stars up in the skies above. We also had a bonding session among all members before we jumped into bed, and I am so happy that I was able to know each of them better, and they know more of me in transparency.

Devotions

is something new to me. But it is something very exciting, very inspiring, and very revelational. We had our first session late at night in our rooms due to security factors, and I had a very distraught and distracting first episode. Fortunately, the next day, when we had our second session on the mountainside surrounded by lush flora and irritating fauna a.k.a. mozzies. This time, there were no distractions, and I received more powerful messages in the middle of nowhere (Including the amazing and unexpected birth of pastor's son Ethan!!!!!). There is something I want to share with everyone:

When I asked God why we are given challenges and difficulties, I got a voice telling me this:

'But you had fun, didn't you?'

Whoa.

I didn't get the conventional 'Because it makes you stronger' or 'Because that is the thing that spices your life'. Instead, I got the:

'But you had fun, didn't you?' (Deja Vu.)

After checking out of the hotel, we shuttled back to Tanah Rata for lunch. We ate lunch at T-Cafe, which served impressive homemade food in a completely homemade setting. The desserts however (Cream Scone, Chocolate Cake and Apple Pie), did not satisfy my sweet tooth. Since most of us were still hungry, we went to eat fantastic pancakes with ice-cream at a stall owned by a dumb (as in 'cannot talk' not 'stupid') couple. The pancakes completely owned Paddingtons pancakes or even A&W waffles with ice-cream.

Then we had to send Kevin off because he was travelling straight to Ipoh and we'd be on different buses. Depressing.

On our way back, Hazel had a stomach ache, and we had to stop the bus for her to use the nearest bathroom. The bus driver would have drove off if Alison did not start shouting at the driver, begging him to wait for them running up the hill. I felt really guilty for not doing anything. STUNNED. I mean, they could have been left there! Thankfully, they boarded the bus safely. I really thank God for that.

We got back and ate at Williams. Hazel's chicken chop was like 2 times bigger than Ally's. Maybe there was a face problem somewhere. KAKA. We then went our separate ways towards home sweet home to rest, and to keep and treasure all those memories and wisdom we acquired in a distant place from home.

It's not about the ways in which you can serve, it's about the ways you sacrificially choose to commit your life to Him.

Day 6 - Backsliding

2007-05-01T22:37:00.000+08:00

Going backwards.

Not good.

But I learned something.

Each step you take backwards gives you more space to move forward.

Day 5 - Did I Shine in the Battleground?

2007-04-30T21:25:00.000+08:00

Today, I helped out for the Wesak preparation at the Brickfields Buddhist Maha Vihara to accompany my friend. And, although I have done this several times, I was more worried this time, just because I am no longer stepping into a temple, but I was stepping into a battleground. People around me have been living in a world much different from the one that I have just discovered. People who are not of my family. Was I able to shine bright enough there? Will I find this out?

I did many chores, many of which include some form of physical exertion, but some requiring me to just sit down and take in the scene. But one thing was for sure: I was happy there. Because I felt useful. I felt like I actually made a difference there. But was I shining bright enough there? Will I find this out?

It makes me think about the possibility of saving the thousands of people around me. Null? Low? Impossible? Will I find these out?

7 hours of hard labor. When I had 7 more days to change my own life and others' around me.

I want to write down these names so that I won't forget them:

1. Nicole, Sue Sen
2. Yun Fong ( Hope I got the spelling and name right...)

I MISS MY FAMILY SO MUCH. I MISS THOSE WHO LEFT IT, I MISS THOSE WHO ARE JUST NOT IN TOUCH, I MISS THOSE WHO ARE JUST AWAY.

Oh, and can I ask you readers one question? I assume that you don't mind me asking because you actually read everything I wrote until this line. You might have to take your time to answer this question, but I hopefully ask that you answer this question, and answer this question on a serious note. The question that I want to ask is this:

Is it worth getting stabbed on purpose for a friend to be saved and restored to righteousness?

Seriously. Please think about it. And use the tagboard on your right on leave a comment. Thank you.

Day 4 - Small Changes Lead to Bigger Ones

2007-04-29T22:01:00.000+08:00

We will shine your light for all to see,
We will be the salt that flavors the earth,
We will be the vessel of the coming king,
For we know that you're the truth, the way and the life.

As containers of the Holy Spirit, we sometimes fail to shine bright enough in this already dimming world. We darken our lamps because we lose hope, and we don't take action. But we must not give up the fight against what I would call future shock. We must not be afraid of change.

So today, I went shopping. Finally...

And to those who think I am a bad shopper, I actually love shopping. If I had the money, I would go on a craze that would put Becky Bloomwood look like the old lady across the street who bought 3 tins of cat food with her credit card. I know that most people can do this, but I just thought that would clear some misconceptions of my lousy wardrobe...

And I invested in a beautiful and comfortable shirt, as well as a pair of pants. Let me tell you something, I have not had a pair of pants for quite some time already. I have cargos, I have jeans (although I was not a jeans fan, not having jeans for almost 6+ years...), I have business pants, but not a pair of ordinary pants. So, another weapon to the arsenal of clothing for self-improvement. Yay me. Oh, and to those who think that shirts are uncomfortable and unbearable, I promise you that after a while, it doesn't itch so much anymore and it becomes your second skin.

And I had discounts. And gift vouchers. So I felt not so guilty with spending all that money... I mean, I wasn't the one paying for it...

That brings us to the next topic at hand:

WORK

is what I require now. I mean, I'm not desperate for money or anything, but I think I should start becoming a little more self-sufficient, a little more independent, and a little less of a burden to my parents. But the one problem with finding a job is finding one that suits my already inflexible time schedule.

For now, a job would mean income. But, it still have to be something I have a passion for because I believe that it is important to love what you're doing. And I don't have a passion for that many things. But most of the time, I enjoy doing anything requiring the usage of my creativity. I actually even thought of writing a book... I even thought of creating handicraft... Until I start thinking about marketing problems... Sigh.

So if you don't have a job for me, I just ask you to do one thing for me. Pray. Pray hard. I thank you with all my heart if you did.

After tonight, I will only have 7 more days to change my life, and to change the life of people around me. But, I have faith that miracles do happen. I have faith that something magical will take place in my life, as well in yours.

7.

Day 3 - Yearn and Learn

2007-04-28T21:41:00.000+08:00

Most of you reading this should at least have a parent they rely on at a certain phase of their life. Some of you reading this might have siblings, perhaps a brother or a sister, older or younger. You grow up with these people for at least one third of your life, but there seem to be something strange about these people that you just can't seem to comprehend. Sometimes you ask yourself this: 'Who are these people?' However, most of the time, you are just too caught up with your life to actually sit down and have a very, and I mean VERY, long and hard thinking session on this perspective of life.

Who is your family? Who are your family members? Who is your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, and most importantly, who is your friend? No, seriously.

Think about it. LOOK VERY CLOSELY. Luke 8: 21.

It's hidden somewhere.

~o0O0o~

To succeed

as a team, it requires much more effort compared to if you're working individually. That's because, the team is only as strong as its weakest link. However, when you do succeed, the feeling of achievement is for profound and exalted compared to an individual victory. We need to be in a committed team because that's the reason we have people around us. That's the reason we aren't alone on this planet Earth.

~o0O0o~

Premise 1: Old women walk to exercise.
Premise 2: I walk to exercise.
Conclusion: I am an old women.

DO YOU SEE ANY LOGICAL DEDUCTION WITH THE ABOVE ARGUMENT? I didn't.

To those people who said running had always been better than walking, try googling 'Walking versus Running' and see what you find.

Walking versus Running.

I tell you, Sherene was laughing at me the whole time I talked about it. And I thought our spiritual leaders should be supportive. Bluek.

Day 2 - Exhaustion

2007-04-27T22:36:00.000+08:00

I am tired of everything today.

Maybe it's the tiresome and growingly irritant schedule I seem to be having. The one I hate.

But today, I did this:

Click for bigger picture.

In 1 hour.

My second time doing it, I'm so proud of myself.

And when I got home, I bathed and slept. Slept long and hard. Pass my dinner time.

Now, this is what I don't want to be tired off.

Day 1 - Planning for the Unplanned

2007-04-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

Today is day 1 of my life changing feat, and mind you it did not go the way I expected it to. Then again, what did I expect to start with? It actually went the way I am surprised with.

It's not how you start a race, it's how you end it.

The beginning of the day was not a very fruitful one, leaving me with more questions and more guilt. But as the day progressed, I discovered not only more of myself, I discovered ideas and concepts of the truth. At the end of the day, I began to surface some of those questions that I have always meditated on in hopes of getting them answered. But, with those questions came unplanned plans of which I am able to utilize.

Suddenly, I start to worry whether I have enough time to actually complete all my plans, instead of initially worrying about how to spend all that unused time.

Train of thoughts:

1. People are afraid to ask difficult questions because they are afraid of the difficult answers they might get. In reality, we aren't fearful of the responses, we are fearful of our reaction to their responses.
2. People say that a listening ear is tough to obtain. In reality, the rarest finding is a person who is willing to spill, to disclose more of themselves because they trust you.
3. Trust is not earned, it is given based on faith.
4. When people lock their doors, we are given the key to unlock it, it is just whether we can overcome our fear of being ridiculed to turn the key.
5. There are things that you don't need to understand for them to work. If you have never heard of gravity, it would still affect you. If you have heard of gravity, but never believed in it, it will still affect you. Why choose to not believe when believing doesn't make you lose anything?
6. Everyone have mountains to climb in their life. Yet, we wonder how some people climb their mountain so much that it has flattened. What happened in their climb that didn't happen in ours? What didn't happen in their climb that happened to ours?
7. Some people say they can't make their relationship based on reward. However, we have to realize that people might provide for us because they are a blessing, not participating in a rewarding relationship. A genuine friend can never be defined by what you can get, but what you can give.

P.S. to Josh and B.O.B.: Kevin has WC and Hamachi on his laptop now...

The Examination Hall

2007-04-25T15:44:00.000+08:00

Pastor Rob Thompson: How many of you like school? Raise up your hands.
Me: (Raises up my hand before noticing that no one else actually put theirs up...)
Pastor Rob Thompson: How many of you like exams? Raise up your hands.
Me: (This time looking a little apprehensive, wagging my hands mid-way...)

I love school. I love exams. They seem to be part and parcel of my life. Each time I have holidays (for example, now) I just seem to be more stressed! It just doesn't make sense. Each time people have exams, you can see some sweating, panting over stuff that they should have remembered but forgotten in the exam hall. You can see some indifferent faces, probably pondering on the aftermath of the results. I, on the other hand, experience exams with a state of euphoria and excitement. A little fear, but that is rather ordinary.

3 days have passed in my holiday period, and I can humbly tell you that I did not do anything fruitful, not even for relaxation sake. That leaves me with 11 more days. 11 life changing days. But change comes with choice. Was I ready to make that choice? Was I ready to stand by that choice I have made, regardless of how terrible it could be? It's like that moment where you decide which answer to pick in a multiple choice question. Each time you pick an answer, you always have that tingling senses that tells you that you should have picked another one.

Life is like an examination hall. You might not be able to choose where you sit, but you definitely can choose how to react to the exam, how to react to the questions, and how to react to the tingling senses you already have.

YOUR REACTION DETERMINES HOW YOUR ACTIONS ENACTS AND AFFECTS YOUR LIFE.

But no one said you didn't need to study. Learning is, again, part and parcel of life.

11 days.

11 days to change my life, and to change yours. Watch out.

Good and Evil

2007-04-24T13:39:00.000+08:00

God hides in abundance. Take the word 'Good' for example. If you have yet to notice this, you can find God in Good, with an extra 'o'. What does this extra 'o' represent?

1. O represents oxygen in chemical terms, the one substance we cannot live without.
2. O represents one of the human blood type, the one people would label as the universal donor.
3. In economics, O is sometimes used to represent output.
4. In computing terms, pressing Ctrl + O would open a file.
5. O is a symbol for a hug.

The Devil hides in lack. Take the word 'Evil' for instance. If you have yet to notice this, you can find the Devil in Evil if, and only if, you add an additional 'D'. The D represents:

Demand.

Evil flourishes when it is demanded, when it is even unconsciously expressed. Evil knows no boundaries or labels, thus it is almost impossible to even record the degree of evil on an object, person or action. White lies, no matter what, are still lies.

The big problem with life today is not whether we can discern the good from the bad, or vice versa. The bigger problem is whether we can tell what is right, and what is really right. The one paradox of good is that it comes in many forms. Which decision really is the right one?

Sometimes I tell myself this: there will be a time to redeem myself for any bad decisions I make. And after a series of events that seem to be stringed together cohesively, I wonder whether I have already become the one thing I really hated. Then a voice tells me: there is no such thing as the best time to do something. People wait ALL THEIR LIFE for that one perfect moment, and they end up waiting literally forever without any promise of results.

Respect

is one thing the world could always do more with. Respect is the one thing that separates the needy and the needed. One type of person I have never tolerated, never comprehended, and never embraced is the type of person who thinks life is just a mockery of the living.

YOU THINK LIFE IS FUNNY?

Think again. Think really hard this time. And you'll start laughing at yourself for being the greatest idiot on Earth.

I'm sorry, getting so carried away on the winds of impatient creed. Lies hurt, but truth hurts more. For the better.

Planning for Holidays

2007-04-20T21:04:00.000+08:00

After the end of tomorrow begins a long stretch of holidays I have never imagined to have. Not that I have anything to complain about, with all the extra time to rest and all, but one thing you have to know about me: I don't go well with holidays. I go well with school, learning, meeting friends. When I am left at home with too much time on my hands, dangerous things start to happen. The usual set-up would be me in front of the computer bumming around, WHICH IS SICKENING AND MADDENING AND I-DON'T-WANT-TO-DO-IT-ACTUALLY-BUT-I-SEEM-TO-HAVE-NO-CHOICE.

So, I'm actually thinking of doing two weeks of ministry work. Not that I have anything else better to do, and I actually need this time close to Godly people if not I am sure to rot and wither in loneliness and misery.

There's a quote from the movie V for Vendetta I would like to share:

V: That's it! See, at first, I thought it was hate too. Hate was all I knew, it built my world, it imprisoned me, taught me how to eat, how to drink, how to breathe. I thought I would die with all the hate in my veins. But then, something happened. It happened to me, just as it happened to you.

At least one person will know what this means.

Malnutrition

2007-04-18T20:21:00.000+08:00

I'm still recovering from severe tonsilitis, and my throat is still filled with ulcerations and cuts (where blood seeps out off). I've been living on liquids for about 3 days now. But I'm better, without fever, and reloaded to conquer Malaysia. Except its food.

There is one huge problem with Malaysian food these days: IT IS SO GOOD. But, never were the delicacies designed in such a way that they don't somehow raise your bodily temperature OR catalyze a heat rush OR clog your arteries so fast that you die ten times faster. Sick people in Malaysia don't suffer from the pains of disease. Sick people in Malaysia suffer from not being able to delight in food.

List of Food to Eat When I Fully Recover
1. William's Cheese Naan
2. PBD Wednesday Bazaar's Rendang, Nasi Lemak, Apam Balik, Keropok Lekor and Cendol
3. Ali Maju Thosai Masala
4. Mum's Homemade Pasta/Lasagna/Spaghetti
5. The Subway cookies my sister brought back from Singapore
6. Pagoda (It's a muruku-ish snack I used to binge on)
7. Restoran Gembira Taman Megah Flour Noodles
8. Steamed Chinese Pomphret with Minced Garlic
9. The Yah Chao Kuai Thingy with the Gluttonous Rice in the middle, Freshly Made
10. Any food is fine, really

And guess what? Tomorrow is supposed to be Pizza Day. How can I eat pizza with my not so recovered throat? I hoping for a miracle.

Psychotic Attrition

2007-04-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

I WAS SO SICK THIS THREE DAYS AND NOW I FEEL A LITTLE BETTER AND WANT TO ACTUALLY START STUDYING BUT MY NOTES SEEM TO BE HOPELESSLY MISPLACED.

Saturday 8 a.m.
Fever. Brought it down by lunch and was able to go for service.

Saturday 7 p.m.
Healing service by Pastor Steven Goh. I healed my fever AND ONLY my fever.

Saturday 10 p.m.
Fever came again. This time it was really giving me delusions and I was crying out in agony every now and then. My mum took care of me all through the wee hours of the morning.

Sunday 3 a.m.
Fever broke. Feel much better.

Sunday 6 a.m.
Fever attacked again. This time it was seriously mind-numbing. Moaning in pain again.

Sunday 7 a.m.
Couldn't bring the fever down. Went to see the doctor. Apparently I had a very bad case of tonsilitis. I was given medicine for fever/aches, antibiotics, antiseptic lozenges, throat gargle and cough syrup.

Sunday 8 a.m.
Better now.

Sunday 12 p.m.
Fever attacked again. Same bout of seizures and clouded thinking. I vomited but my fever came down after that.

Sunday 6 p.m
Fever attacked yet again. Vomited again. Fever came down again.

Monday 12 a.m.
Better.

Monday 5 a.m.
Fever attacked. Brought it down successfully.

Monday 8 a.m.
Fever attacked. Went to see another doctor. Apparently, my tonsilitis has gotten even worse. If you would see my throat now you would be vomiting too. Got injected on my bum. The doctor gave a stronger dosage of antibiotics and fever medicine.

Monday12 p.m.
Feel much better. The fever attacks are not so intense anymore. But still having headaches and flushes.

Monday 9 p.m.
Blogging, and thinking of how to study for tomorrow.

Now, who took my notes?

Sick

2007-04-15T07:34:00.000+08:00

I am so sick now. I just came back from the doctor, and apparently I had tonsil infection. If I knew that my tonsils wa the cause of my fever, I would have healed it yesterday with Pastor Steven Goh. ARGH. Please pray for me.

Why Am I The Luckiest Man Alive

2007-04-11T23:26:00.000+08:00

11th April 2007 is definitely the most exhilirating, exciting, unexpected and surprising day I have ever lived in my whole life. This is my story:

I started the day by waking up and retrieving my handphone which was being recharged, and found several SMS flooding my inbox, all wishing me a very happy birthday at 12.02 am when I was apparently asleep. Then I went to college and prepared for the fifth and final quiz for the Introduction to Biopsychology course.

Mae: Happy birthday Min Huei!
Me: Study for Biopsych quiz now...
I AM SUCH A PARTY POOPER!!!

However, I did quite well for the quiz (14/15), so I'm quite happy with myself. During the rest breaks during the class, my friends sang a happy birthday song for me TWICE, turning my face as red as a tomato. Then, Sam gave me a gift:

The World we see is round, but what if, And I mean if, It is as flat as this Gift? Happy Birthday Pal!
from, UNCLE SAM.

OOO, a birthday present. Thank you Sam! Sam happened to give me one of his favourite books, so that means a lot to me. And I happened to be in the season where I can't seem to find any books (around me) to read, so the book came at the right timing. NOT ONLY THAT, I was bombarded by another gift not long after:

Kistna Scented Eau de Toillete from The Body Shop.

This gift was from the rest of the gang. Guess what? I actually wanted to get this for quite some time but I never got down to the One Utama branch of The Body Shop. And since I didn't tell anyone about it, I was surprised that I got what I wished for. Thank you guys (and gals)! Even Sharon went through the trouble to write a simple happy birthday message for me, full with her trademark drawings.

After class, Sam, Jenna, Mae, Julian, Poh Sim, Josh and I went to the Bar B Q Plaza at One Utama for lunch. Evelyn joined us for lunch and Shealin came slightly later. It was the first time I ate at a barbeque outlet in Malaysia (the other time was at Singapore with my cousin). The food wasn't what I would rate excellent, but was surprisingly satisfying and kept me full till 6 p.m., which was pretty unusual for a person who binges a lot. NOT ONLY THAT, everyone actually footed the bill, although I was already prepared to pay a large portion of it. So I thank all of you for the wonderful lunch!

After lunch, all of us stopped at my number one stop in One Utama: MPH Bookstores! Poh Sim got her third Shopaholic book whereas Mae and Shealin 'syok-ed sendiri' over stationary and art-and-craft tools. As I received a sum of money from my mum as a present, I decided to get myself a proper NKJV bible to replace my current one which only contained the New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs. I decided to get this:

Nelson's Life and Style Bible, Sandcastle Lagoon.

Finally, a proper bible. After praying for so long for a proper bible, I got what I wished for.

Next, we went to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at GSC. The plot of the movie wasn't the best I have seen, but the graphics was not bad and the whole composition was quite enjoyable. I shall not talk too much about the movie here in case anyone reading this have not seen it yet. After the movie, we went our own ways and I was more than ready to get home to rest after what I would say to be a very surprising day.

After a small detour to deliver something to Sam's aunt, I reached home to find the dining table filled with a tray of crystal glasses and plates of finger foods. As Jenna went to use the toilet, I was left to wonder what the arrangement was for, because I didn't expect my parents to have a party for me, and I didn't expect to have any guests. And I knew that the crystal glasses would only be used if there were guests coming.

Me: What's with all the glasses and food? Who's coming? I didn't know that anyone's coming.
Mum: We're having a birthday party for you.
Me: Is it? But who's coming? No one told me there were people coming!
Insert pause here.
Me: I still don't get it. Who's coming?
Insert pause here.
Me: Who's coming?
Jenna comes back from the toilet.
Me: So, you've finished using the toilet?
Jenna: Yea...
Insert pause here.
Jenna: (Awkwardly) I want to see your room.
Me: (Surprised but nevertheless trying to be a good guest) Oh, these 2 rooms are just store rooms... (Opens the store room...)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
TO FIND AN ENTIRE ROOM FILLED WITH THE FRIENDS WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME ALREADY AS WELL AS SOME OF MY CELL GROUP MEMBERS HOLDING A CANDLE-LIT CAKE IN THE DARK!

Wishing for the ability to bless people around me, and see them grow from strength to strength.

OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS.

People with weak hearts like me shouldn't be subjected to so many surprises in one day. Apparently, this was the E12 Cell Group surprise birthday party that I have definitely not expected. Well, I did expect a surprise, but not a surprise of this magnitude! And not a surprise at this moment!

E12 rocks!

They even parked further down the road and hid their shoes from plain sight just to make the surprise more unexpected. And they conspired with my parents to let them in... How naughty... But I love all of you anyway! I was having hot flushes as if I took 2 shots of vodka, it was that bad, or good, depending on how you see it.

And so, I had two birthday cakes for the first time of my life.

Mocha Cake from La Manilla.

The E12 Blueberry Cake.

Then it was present giving time, AGAIN. I got this cool card made by one of my Cell Group members, Jessica who went for National Service, but came back for Easter and secretly worked on this card:

Very abstract-anime design-ish.

All the messages behind the card.

They also gave me this:

...

Wait a minute! Haven't I seen this before?

Deja Vu.

They got me the exact same bible I have just bought! I can hardly believe my eyes. I suddenly thought I prayed too hard. Now I am left to figure out what to do with both bibles. My sister commented that one be used downstairs and another upstairs. LOL. NOT ONLY THAT, I received another card!

The card that Sam apparently forgot to give me earlier.

Okay, too much information. The exaltation I felt left me hanging in the state of euphoria, even until now! I was still flustered and my cheek muscles were already starting to ache.

Everyone eating to their heart's content.

After that, everyone started to dig in to the food and socialize with each other. E12 even prayed for me. Fortunately, I had my chance to bath and rejuvenate. Before that, I had to give an impromptu speech and play the Gu Zheng and the piano. During all those events, I was smiling from ear to ear and was still red in the face. I tell you, my dopamine levels were sky-rocketing. When I look back at the videos, I thought I was quite embarassing, but I guess that's just me being TOO happy. Other than that, Kevin phoned me all the way from Ipoh, and I'm so happy that he actually called!

Ally attempting the Gu Zheng.

The confederate Jenna. She finally saw my room for real.

Sherene, Sher Lynn, Shealin, Poh Sim, Julian, Alison, Jee Mei, Darryl, Wei Wen, Joshua, Hazel, Mae, Li Ching, Genesis, Jenna, Sam and last but not least, a VERY happy me! Sorry if I spelled anyone's name wrongly...

After the surprise party, the night was still young, and most of us retreated to Williams, a famous Mamak located near Lim Kok Wing institute in Taman Mayang, where we enjoyed a fantastic meal of Cheese Naan, Roti Triple H and Ribena Lychee before heading home FOR REAL.

Williams.

I wish to thank everyone who was actually there for me. I wish to thank everyone for their huge and sacrificial contribution of time AND money in the endeavour to surprise me on such an important day, and actually making a noticeable effort in every single event. You have no idea how happy I was (or maybe you can see that from my face). I wish to thank my Cell Group, E12, for being so supportive and going the extra 100 miles for everything. Our birthday surprises are getting so extravagantly amazing I think we're already running out of ammo for ideas. I wish to thank Sherene and Alison for being the spiritual leader I needed. I wish to thank my parents for everything they have done to make me who I am today.

Last, but definitely not the least, I wish to thank God for he have definitely poured out the heavens on me today. And I thank Jesus, for he will always remain, my closest friend.

Today

2007-04-11T06:58:00.001+08:00

is a special day. So little time yet so many things to do.

Ministry

2007-04-09T18:52:00.000+08:00

Which one to join ar? So many options to choose from, I'm starting to be rambang mata.

I remembered one Saturday when they were having Security recruitment...

Colin: Hey, is he (me) a member yet?
Ally: Yea...
Colin: Finish Firm Foundation yet or not?
Ally: Just finish only.
Colin: Brother, come join the security ministry la (starts pulling me towards the security booth).
Some dude from the Technical crew recruitment: Oi, how can security pull over people and force them to join, uncivilized...

KAKAKA. CHC people are so funneh.

And then I saw an advertisement in the bulletin about recruiting people who can play brass and string and instruments. I can play this:

Does this count as a string instrument?

Okay, maybe not so appopriate in a church setting. KAKAKA.

How about the Worship ministry? Nah, maybe not. It's funny when you have five musical instruments in your house yet not be proficient in at least one of them...

Children Ministry? I don't think I have the patience...

Usher Ministry? Not sure, don't know whether I'm observant enough...

Choir Ministry? Sounds good, but hmmm...

Don't knowla... Help me anyone?

Easter 2007

2007-04-08T15:52:00.000+08:00

2000 years ago, one man made a decision that rewrote the stories of a million souls that had lived, is living and will live. One man willingly chose to carry all the brokenness, sins and deaths of men on the cross, despite the fact that He could cry out and send legions of angels to rescue Him from the extremely excruciating crucification. One man made such a big sacrifice although He knew that there is a chance that people might not even acknowledge the gift He gave to men.

His name is Jesus. And He's not a myth, He is the truth the life and the way. And He's not scary at all, if you bother getting to know Him.

Many of us would already know the history of Christ, even if we are not yet believers, as the legitimacy of His story is one of the most debatable topics even in today's time. There is a group of people who firmly knows and believes that it is true. There is another group of people who knows it is true, yet they don't seem to act in such way. Finally, there is a group of people who has yet to know who this great man is. Whichever group you are in, please, I ask you to continue reading.

1. The Suffering

What exactly did Jesus go through, that millions of people call Him their Lord and savior? Let me give you a very (hopefully) mentally and graphically clear illustration.

Do you know of people who seem to go into year-long depression because of rejection from/death of/ignorance by their loved one(s)? Do you know people who are so easily angered that they end up killing themselves along with others? Do you know people who live dark underground lives full of immoral and unethical acts? Do you know of people who are constantly mocked and ridiculed just because they were born with a deformity on their body? Do you know of people who live in guilt throughout their life that they are paralized by their own misery?

Now blend all those together and multiply the combination of feelings with a number equilavent to the number of men who had lived in the past, is living in the present and will be living in the future (which should amount to somewhere near infinity). That was what Jesus experienced. And we haven't even talked about physical tormentation yet.

If you can't imagine the mental overload above, let's try a physical illustration. Remember when we were young, we dropped on the ground and injured our kness, then we would start to cry because of the pain? Now, multiply that feeling of pain with the same number we used above and you should get a pain stimulation and physical injury that killed Jesus.

Jesus did not carry one man's burden on the cross, he carried the burden of an infinite number of men.

2. The Understanding

Why are we in the world we live today? Are we here by chance? Are we here because somehow, simple life emerged a billion years before and through natural-probability selection, humans emerged as a result of evolution? Do we live to die? Do we live just to grow, have a peaceful and abundant life and die of old age? Is there no greater purpose in life?

NO.

Let me present you with an analogy given by Pastor Kevin. If you walk in a shopping mall one day and see coins scattered on the ground, most people would say that someone had dropped the coins accidentally. But if you walked in the same mall the next day and see two nicely arranged stacks of coins, you would have known that someone arranged it, and that the stacks did not arrange themselves by chance or by random selection.

If we are the result of a completely random evolution, why are we so orderly arranged? If you asked me, someone had been doing all this arranging at some point of time. In fact, it requires a bigger amount of faith to believe that we are built in such a way by chance alone. If we are the result of chance, why are we the only creatures on planet Earth that have a strong spiritual hunger in life? We are the only creatures asking this question: What is the meaning of life?

The meaning of life is to experience God in preparation for our departure from this world. A great purpose indeed.

3. The Call

We celebrate Easter today to acknowledge Jesus' victory over death. We celebrate Easter to remind ourselves that 2000 years ago, a man rewrote our life that we may be able to bear our burdens, that we may be able to live abundantly if we believe in Him. The reason we prepare magnificient dramas portraying the life of Jesus Christ is to show the world that a man loved us so much that he paid the ultimate price for the ultimate sacrifice.

Some people laugh over the prospects of conversion. They think its a laughing matter. IT ISN'T. Each soul who received Jesus is an additional soul added to heaven and an additional soul removed from hell. No one wants the gates of Hades to win over heaven. Each soul saved takes his or her share of God's infinite grace and love. Each soul saved is an additional sister or brother gained in heaven.

One thing is for sure: God does not force. All of God's greatest gifts comes with choice. Love is the result of the choice to love. If the path of love is the only path to take, it isn't love. The fact that we have to choose to love makes it so precious, so meaningful. Same goes for happiness. Same goes for peace. Same goes for forgiveness.

If you currently do not see youself as a Christian in your entire life, that becoming a Christian is an impossible feat, don't worry, you have the exact same thought most of us had before we accepted Christ. Guess what? Miracle do happen. People who had a taste of God usually want more of it. And before they know it, their entire life is transformed for the better. Just because we know, and we believe that one man died for us.

2000 years ago, one man made a decision that rewrote the stories of a million souls that had lived, is living and will live.

Thank you Jesus!

P.S.: CHC Easter Production 2007 ROXXOR!!!

Win Nee Cheong

2007-04-07T13:06:00.000+08:00

4 hours to Easter at CHC, and I'm bored, so I suddenly remembered...

Ms Winnee Cheong

BA (Hons) (Psychology) (Missouri), MA (Human Behavior) (Colorado)
Ms Winnee Cheong was awarded the Pi Gamma Mu (International Social Science Honor Society) Scholarship Award in 1995. She has been listed in the Who's Who Among Students in American Universities and Colleges, National Dean's List, All American Scholar, Alpha Chi (Academics Honorary Society), Omicron Delta Kappa (Leadership Honorary Society), as well as Sigma Epsilon Pi (top 10% of the graduating class). Her research focuses on cognitive psychology, with emphasis on memory and its fallibility. Currently, Ms Winnee Cheong serves as a lecturer at HELP Institute.

SHE'S LEAVING US! NO! CRY! GASP! SHRIEK! WHIMPER! YELL! ARGH! &!*%^@(*&%!#$

This is so depressing. Now where else am I going to find a cognitive psychology expert in HELP... Anyone care to plan a surprise party?

Why is Dr. Goh always on the go?

2007-04-06T16:41:00.000+08:00

Student: Which elective subjects do we take if we want to minor in something?

Dr. Goh: This is a very good example of see-Linda-and-Ann.

LOL. He used see-Linda-and-Ann as a noun. FUNNEH!

Step of Transparency

2007-04-06T15:06:00.000+08:00

I have not posted any new threads in a FULL week. However, today I will reveal something that I have never revealed before, and never dreamt of revealing. I'm going to share with everyone how powerful the paradox of God can be.

Today, as some of you might already know, is Good Friday. I am going to show you how my life has be changed since last year. And this is all truth, no lies, no cover-ups, no selective deposit, no modifications.

October 2006

I call it the 18 Phase, or Early Life Crisis. I know some of you would already know what I am talking about. It is the special phase of transformation that people would go through. I was left depressed, confused and full of guilt.

10 December 2006

Ally invited me over for Thanksgiving service at City Harvest, KL. A night of splendour, glama and extravagantly incredible fashion show with the theme avant-garde. It was then that a strong presence of God washed over me.

11 December 2006

Dear Pastor Kevin,

After experiencing the intensifying Thanksgiving function on the 10th of November, I have some ideas to share with you. You were busy taking photographs after the event though, and instead of disturbing your celebration, I have chosen to write you this letter so you can slowly read and understand my words of hopeful wisdom.

First and foremost, you have to understand that I am not a religious person. No, I am a practicing atheist. Don’t get me wrong; being an atheist will mean that I don’t believe in God, but that doesn’t mean I cannot believe in a certain power that is above us all. The only difference is I do not ‘conform’ to that certain power. However, the reason I write this letter is not to debate on the existence of God, but merely to share a certain something with you. The fact that I do not believe in the church institution makes what I am going to say more worthy.

If there are only 2 groups of people in the world, I would belong to the ‘seeing-is-believing’ group instead of the ‘believing-is-seeing’ group. Whatever I choose to believe is usually due to the factual reasoning of a scientific mind. In layman terms, I am a man of science, not a man of faith. Sometimes I ask myself: how can people devote themselves to the work of something that was never proven to exist? However, during the Thanksgiving event, I have noticed something we share in common: we strongly believe in our beliefs. It is technically not wrong to choose whether you should believe in God or not, but as long as what you believe in stands firm, it will strengthen you.

When my friend, Julian Loh, first told me about you being the pastor, I was honestly in shock and disbelief for a moment. How can such a young-looking man be a determined and dedicated senior pastor? (You look younger than your age, so that’s a compliment.) To me, it just doesn’t make sense. But as the event proceeded, I observed how powerful your (and other people’s) belief in God has an effect on other people. You seriously touched my heart, not by the powers of God (To you in can be put that way, though.) but more of the power of believed beliefs.

Sometimes I feel lost, and when I find myself again, I discovered that the moment of disorientation was due to my disruption of believed beliefs. I occasionally question my beliefs, not because I deny or suspect them of accuracy, but because I always require conformation and security. But one thing is for sure: believing in something that you belief in does make you stronger in person. I don’t understand how this works, but it just seems to happen.

Just recently, I have experienced a very special something called love. Or at least, that is what I think it is. I’m not sure whether it is truly love though. I mean, I have had crushes on others before, so I do know how crushes feel like. But this time, it is different. I had that tug in my heart. That flitter in my stomach. The way I unconsciously treat her. It wasn’t like the way I treat other girls, but it took a long time before having the thought that it might be love. And guess what? Being in love DOES transform a person. I have transformed, and my friends and lecturers can be walking testimonial of that. I was actually blind to all those changes at first, till someone illuminated me about it.

I am not writing to talk about my love life. I just want to tell you what I believe in:

What is God if not love itself?

I believe in the powers of love. And I know love, because the reason of my love was not because of beautiful looks, not because of materialistic views, but because it just happened. And every time I think about love, I realize that love IS God. Love IS that certain power above all.

I find the City Harvest Church to be a very unique church. I compliment you for infusing certain modern elements into the church, which is a very powerful strategy. And that is the result of a brilliant man’s brilliant mind. And the level of believed beliefs during Thanksgiving? Otherworldly. During the whole event, I find myself to be brought back to reality, and that reinforces my belief of love. Your (or perhaps, everyone’s) church actually made me safe. I don’t know why. Don’t get me wrong, I still do not believe in God. It would be unwise and probably unsuccessful to transform me into a Christian. It’s not like I have a ‘thing’ against any religion, but it is just my beliefs. My beliefs do not conflict, but more of run parallel with yours.

I thank you for your time in reading this hopefully inspirational letter. There are many things that I have left to say to you, but it putting too much in a letter is not a wise thing to do. I am planning to visit the City Harvest Church one day soon with Julian and Alison (The emcee for the Thanksgiving event.) because I need to be inspired once more. I need to know the true meaning of love. One thing is for sure, this event will change my life forever, for the better.

With lots of love,

Min Huei

P.S.: I didn’t really like the loud music but I still enjoyed the rest of the night. I was the Stage Manager for my College’s Departmental Ball, and I know how tough it is to coordinate an event of this scale. So, congratulations to you and your whole team for a job much more than well done.

15 December 2006

Dear Min Huei,

First and foremost, I want to thank you for writing to us and truly appreciate all your words of encouragement.

From the email, I gather that you are a semi-atheist because a staunch atheist would not believe in anything at all, whether power from above or those from below (evil forces). From young I knew life meant more than days on earth. I somehow sensed that mankind could not evaporate into oblivion just like that after they die. Thus began my search for meaning in life. I tried religions. You name it, I tried them all yet I never had that peace within me until that day I came in contact with a pastor. I learnt and I realized that Christianity was not a religion but a relationship. A relationship between the creation and his creator! I gave it a try and the rest was history.

Let me give you a simple illustration:

If you walk on the street tomorrow and you find some coins scattered all over the place, your logical reaction would be: It is an accident. Someone might have dropped them.

But if you go and walk on the street the day after and you find 2 stacks of 5 coins on each side, then logic will tell you that someone might have arranged them. You may not know who stacked them but it just cannot be an accident.

Thus, to believe in the Big Bang Theory than a Creator would require more faith and more believe.

Not everything in life is visible. The Bible tells us that God made all things visible with invisible substance. OK… I know you do not believe in God and I am not trying to convert you. But the reality is this. There are many things that we cannot see yet we still believe that they exist. I will come back to this.

Physics tells us that an object can travel so fast that it can appear in 2 places at any one time. In Quantum Physics this is called Super-positioning. IBM is right now actively trying to create this by having a ram so fast that it can process trillions of data at any one or two points. Just try to shake your fingers really fast and you would find yourself having more than just 5 fingers on one hand. If that is what we see, then what we see may not be what it is. And things that we do not see may not mean that they do not exist. By the time we see the stars in the sky (due to the distance) the stars would have exploded or disappeared thousands of years ago. So, the question is does the star still exist or not?

The ability to believe and not-believe is only found in mankind. I would say this is encoded by God into every human being. And it is this that makes us different from other creatures. The desire to know and believe/not-believe in God or anything is so strongly embedded in us because we have a spirit. This spirit within us causes us to search and find meaning in life. This spirit within us creates a longing; it can be for love, for meaning in life or for success in life. But ultimately it is the knowledge of God and the acceptance of Him that would satisfy that desire. You know it but you may not be able to explain it. Just like love. But at times, it is not for us to know why because we are just not capable to understand it. That is when faith and trust become such important elements in our lives. By the way, in the Bible it is written that God is love. And somehow you knew it… love is the closest thing a person can come to in experiencing God. For the entire Bible is about God’s love to His people!

Can I prove it? Well, since I believe in God, I can. For way too many times, God would answer my prayers. His tangible presence is just so real that it is impossible for me to deny its existence. And Jesus, who was born and died on the cross… and then resurrected on the third day! This is not just a good Christian story but an actual historical event. The Romans hated Jesus and if the cross was a fiction, they would have burnt all the facts and documents long time ago. But the reality is people are willing to die for their faith. Why would people die for a fiction? It is either Jesus truly exists or these people are just nuts!

I am glad you wrote. It is always good to hear from another perspective. What I practiced in my church is a result of a very strong foundation embedded within me. To be a relevant Christian is to be the salt and light of this world, to bring flavor and direction into others’ lives – not through by own limited human ability but the power from above that is at work within me.

Have a blessed weekend,

KEVIN and all of us at CHC!

January 2007

I finally accepted Christ. My life changed. All because of one man. One God. One love. Can you feel it too? I am a happier man now, with a strong purpose in life. When I look back at the letter I have sent, I feel quite stupid. One thing is for sure, I have NEVER seen myself accepting Christ, NEVER seen myself believing in God, and NEVER seen myself doing it so fast. The power of God definitely changes the impossible to the possible.

7 April 2007 is Tomorrow,

and I ask you to come for a great Easter production at City Harvest, KL. I hope that you will find or preferably make some time to come to this production, because I promise you, it will BLOW you away. I ask you that you come, at least as a birthday present for me (which is on April 11). Just once, please fulfil my favour.

Click to view a bigger picture.

I want to thank Ally, SHerene and Kevin for everything. Last but not least, I want to thank God for everything, and Jesus my Lord and savior.

Application of Hooke's Law and Faith

2007-03-29T07:08:00.000+08:00

To anyone taking physics and any of its corresponding subjects would be very, very famliar with Hooke's Law, which states that the extension of a spring is proportional to the force on which the spring is exerted and will go back to its original length when the force is removed so long as it doesn't exceed the elastic limit.

Well, our faith is like a spring. We stretch it like a rubber band, and we fear that we must go past our elastic limit and snap. Well let me tell you something: only God knows your limit. Each time I stretch my faith, I do it in fear. But nothing ever happens, seriously. Because I'm not past my limit yet.

If there was something you wished to do, but you think you are not good enough, just do it. You are never not good enough, except when you don't try at all.

4 More Days

2007-03-24T22:17:00.000+08:00

You missed Pat Mesiti didn't you?

Let me tell you something: YOU MISSED EVERYTHING.

But don't worry. He'll still be around for tomorrow's service and for his three day seminar on this coming Monday to Wednesday (26th - 28th). Again, post a message here if you need transportation assistance.

Yesterday and Tomorrow

2007-03-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

1. People out there, Pat Mesiti, an extremely talented and gifted motivator, is going to lead service at City Harvest KL this Saturday (24th, 5.00pm) and Sunday (25th, 9.00am and 11.30am). To those who already know him, you should already be familiar with the strength of his words. To those who have yet to see him, check out this trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrJKwjQAApw

Not only will he be leading preaching during the weekend, he will also be giving a consecutive 3-day seminar on Monday to Wednesday (26th-28th)! The best part is, it's all free. So, I seriously encourage and beg all of you to get your butts down to City Harvest KL. If you need transportation, just post a reply here and I will try my best to arrange something.

2. Yesterday (22nd), I went to the home of the Special Children Society of Ampang (SCSoA) with a group of friends as part of our Leadership and Life Skills project. Mind you, we did not go merely for the sake of getting the job done (at least, I think we did not have that mentality), but we were hoping we could learn something from the trip. The thing that I was SO FASCINATED by was the innate leadership roles that were assumed by the autistic people. Although they might not have the same level of understanding and perceptive and logical capabilities like many of us, they still were able to care for each other. And one thing you can be sure about the care from an autistic child: it is always real.

Oh yea, we went swimming with the people of the home. I tell you something, some of them can swim 100 times faster and longer than most of us (literally). We were more exhausted by that event compared to the rest of them. The caretaker of the home told us that some of them are being trained to join the Malaysian National Paralympic Team. Not only do they swim, they are also trained to play football and go riding. Yes, you heard me correctly, they actually go horse riding on a weekly basis. WHOA.

Another thing I noticed is this: although they might be sufficiently financially funded, you can actually see that they aren't 'overtreated' (Have anyone been to the Taman Megah Handicapped Home?) I actually felt like the friends we made there actually needed company. So we are actually planning to visit them again, sometime after our finals.

Last but not least, Sheng Mae's friend, Yvonne, who is a frequent volunteer at the centre, was treated to a surprise birthday by her friend who secretly visited the center. I think the person who was most surprised was me. :P Oh well, the cake was awesomeness I tell you. AWESOMENESS. Oh, and I would like to THANK MAE FOR BEING THE ABSOLUTE BEST EVER ORGANIZER EVER EVER EVER. You'll do miracles in the future, I promise.

11. Ice Cream. Creameria. Coffee.

7 Attributes Of Our Exxageratively and Extravagantly Effective God

2007-03-21T18:55:00.000+08:00

When I was searching for God's natural attributes, I only expected infinity and eternity to be found. However, I found something on the web that is far more complete than I can ever hope it to be. God's 7 natural attributes are infinity, eternity, immortality, immutability, omniscience, omnipresence and omnipotence.

1. INFINITY. God is infinite. He has no limitations nor imperfections. Man is limited by relations of time and space. He has mental and physical limitations and imperfections. Man is finite; God is infinite. God's powers are unlimited. He has universal and perfect relations with all other existence.

2. ETERNITY. God is eternal. There never was a time when God did not exist. He always was, always is, and always will be. Eternity is infinite time. Eternity extends in both directions. It is just as far backward into eternity as it is forward into eternity. For the believer, eternal life has a beginning but will have no ending. God, however, not only will live forever in the future, but also has lived forever in the past.

3. IMMORTALITY. God is immortal. He is not subject to death. That which is immortal is deathless, imperishable, incorruptible, indestructible, indissoluble. It never fades, never dies, never ends. It does not depreciate, decay, or corrode. It results in unending existence; it is exempt from death.

Some people claim that God is only living to the point where people believe Him, that whenever everyone ceases to do so, He shall perish. Little do they know that their deaths are imminent with the failure to hold onto God's words, and so the statement above might seem to be a paradoxical denial.

4. IMMUTABILITY. God is unchangeable. What He now is He always has been and always will be. God cannot change for the better because He is already best. He cannot change for the worse because He thereby would cease to be perfect. Infinite perfection is unchangeable.

All created things are subject to change and deterioration, but God remains always the same. Stars burn out, mountains wear away, buildings crumble; plants wither, flowers fade, animals die; metal rusts, food decays, machinery wears out. Mankind changes, suffers, and dies. In our changing universe, only God is unchangeable.

5. OMNISCIENCE. God is perfect in knowledge. God's mind is perfect. His knowledge is infinite, eternal, and complete.

6. OMNIPRESENCE. God is everywhere present. Wherever we are we can say, "God is here!" He is our nearest environment. One is no nearer to the presence of God on a mountain than he is in a cavern. Nearness to God is not a matter of geography. No point is nearer to God's presence than any other point. One needs not shout across the empty miles to an absent God. God is here; He can hear your faintest whisper. God is not everywhere present in the same sense. God is in heaven, through His power and presence He is everywhere present and acting.

7. OMNIPOTENCE. God is all powerful. He is almighty. His power is infinite. There is nothing that He cannot do. With Him all things are possible. The power of God is designated in the Bible as God's Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the impersonal power of God. The Bible uses the words power and spirit interchangeably. Every work that God does is performed through His power or Spirit.

(Adapted from Systematic Theology, by Alva Huffer, published by Church of God General Conference, Oregon, Illinois 61061, U.S.A.)

T and L

2007-03-19T13:31:00.000+08:00

There is no such thing as coincidences, only destiny.
There is no such thing as failures, only detours.
There is no such thing as lucky chances, only opportunities.
There is no such thing as perfect timing, so just start whatever you wanted to do now.
There IS such thing as the blindfully faithful and the faithfully blind (unfortunately).
There is no such thing as the best, only the preferred.
There is no such thing as the worst, but the undermined.

Learning is like eating an endless bar of bittersweet chocolate, only sweet to those who adapt.
Laziness is the mean. Superb dilligence is the top 2.5% of the population.
Love cannot be measured, if it can be, it isn't love.
Lies are still lies, no matter what colour it is.
Laughter is a taste of heaven.
Loyalty is a taste of heavenly friendship.
Life is a gift of God.

Hope

2007-03-16T16:02:00.000+08:00

There is a special someone who I think I have deeply affected, if not mentally, spiritually. It's not like I wanted it to happen, but the strangest of all things is, things don't always happen the way I meant it to. Sometimes, I don't even understand myself, but I guess that wouldn't even be a sufficient reason for things. Sometimes, when people tell me about me, I start to lose myself, and become more of what others want me to be. I start forgetting my own roots. I start forgetting my past. And most importantly, I start to lose that bond. Just because I become so transparent. I'm very confused.

But so are you, so it wouldn't be fair to judge us this way. Oversensitivity might be a good yardstick, but it's not even representative of how much our friendship is worth. I might not be giving people my best, but what is my best? I don't even know, and if you can tell me that my best is of a certain value, you are more than just wrong. Here is not a place to question, here is a place to look back and tell ourselves, "Hey, we were very stupid back then." But I guess it would only be courteous to do the righteous thing.

I'm sorry.

If the chain has already been broken, tell me that we can walk down the street as mere acquaintances. But, be assured, that can never happen. Because we are more than we think we are. And I thank you for that. From the start.

123

2007-03-14T19:59:00.000+08:00

1. OMG EVIE YOUR BLOG IS TOO 'REVEALING'. Kakaka. It's okay if you don't understand this.

2. Okay, the issue at '1.' has kinda left me stunned. I mean, why am I always the last person to find out about things. Plus, someone lied to me. Naughty, naughty...

3. My sister's birthday today.

The Need For Prayer

2007-03-13T22:42:00.000+08:00

1. I found the song:

The Prayer
Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go
And help us to be wise, in times when we dont know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

La luce che tu dai, I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore restera, and hold it in our hearts
A ricordarci che, when stars go out each night
Leterna stella sei, ooooo

Nella mia preghiera, let this be our prayer
Quanta fede ce, when shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so well be safe

Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia una mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace, di fraternita

La forza che ci dai, We ask that life be kind
E desiderio te, And watch us from above.
Ognuno trovi amor, We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro se, Another soul to love.
Let this be our prayer, Let this be our prayer
Just like every child, Just like every child

Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che, hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salverai

If you haven't heard this song, you are SO, SO, SO deprived. Period.

~o0O0o~

2. These days, I find myself being in HELP's Resource Centre a.k.a. library more often. Today, as I was searching for research materials, I found a few inspiring quotes:

You always eat food. But do you ever eat 'food' as such? You do not. You eat steak, you eat chicken, you eat strawberries. You always eat some specific type of food and not 'food' in general. Food is a concept. A hamburger is the idea.

A very good example would be how we choose a place to eat. A classic conversation would be something like this:

Person A: Hey, what do all of you want to eat, ar?
Person B: Anything la.
Person C: How about we eat pizza today?
Person A & B: Okay.

So, what are they eating? To state that they're eating food is already considered a not so intellectual answer. But to answer 'pizza' would then prove the point that we eat more than just 'food' these days. We eat ideas. Food is now not a need, it is a commodity.

Proof is sometimes no more than a lack of imagination in thinking of an alternative.

This quote, I shall leave it to you to interpret it subjectively.

Edward De Bono, How to Have A Beautiful Mind (2004)

~o0O0o~

3. I have so many things to pray for these days. Okay, maybe not so many, just about countable with my bare hands. I encounter several problems when I pray:

i. I sleep.
ii. I start thinking about other stuff.
iii. I don't know whether my prayers were answered.
iv. I'm still not used to it.
v. I kinda get mixed up with the order of things.

ARGH. And it happens that I am going to need a lot of prayer for the next few weeks. No, it isn't about my assignments. It's about transformation and change.

Prayer is a church's lungs.

I must be running out of breath then... Drowning.

That's About It...

2007-03-12T20:19:00.000+08:00

Today I was pretty high.
No idea why.
Must be the sky.

AHAHAHA. Rhymes.

Guess what? I restarted playing the classic FF8. It's so nostalgic, I tell you.

But I must make sure I actually get a head start on finishing my literature review and lab report.

Today, Florence was replaced YET AGAIN. This time by Miss Choy Swee Leng (Did I get the spelling right?). She's pretty cool, so no worries. I also cancelled going for an experiment last minute. I am so bad.

Bla.

EDITS (After I stole people's ideas from thier blogs :P...):

GOOD LUCK WHEN GETTING YOUR SPM RESULTS!

CONGRATS EVIE.
I always never underestimated the power of pink.

POH SIM YOU BETTER GIMME THOSE PICTURES!

BZZZZZ

2007-03-10T05:54:00.000+08:00

Guess what? I woke up to an army of swarming mosquitoes and itchy bites. At 5.00 am. NOT A GOOD THING FOR A SATURDAY!

I mean, I woke up earlier then Boon Woei when I don't even need to go for the Psychology Exhibition at HELP.

And so, I blogged all my irritation here. Okay, not so irritated already.

I NEED THIS SONG!

2007-03-09T23:10:00.000+08:00

I can't remember the name. All I know is that is was sung by Andrea Bocelli and some lady. If you see me, ask me to hum the tune and hopefully you can tell me what the song is.

URGENT!

PLEASE REPLY ASAP!

PLEASE!

Oh, and I think the song is half English half Italian-or-Spanish-or-Latin. Not sure. Sorry can't be of a better help...

5 Things About 9 March 2006

2007-03-09T22:10:00.000+08:00

1. Sam cut his hair. Apparently, Sam is the kind of person who cannot tahan his hair getting cut, something about it being geli. So, congratulations for successfully enduring those moments of pain. And, his hair is so drooling cool! Sometimes I wished I had the type of hair which will just STAY PUT AND NOT STICK OUT SO MUCH (even Brylcream Extra Strong gel, Gatsby wax and creams/hairsprays can't hold my hair down for long enough...). I also dream of having a visible hairline, for the lack of a hairline will mean that I can only wear the Afro look. Maybe that's why I shaved my head to start with. AHA, that's another hairstyle I can wear: BOTAKCHIN-NESS. To those who are still waiting to see me bald again, I would probably be shaving on the 30th of June (exactly half a year after I first shaved), which also happens to be Sharon's birthday. Yes, I'll try to remember your birthday~~~

2. Today is quite a good day. I even found Miss Winnee's quiz to be not so bengang-ing as some of her other quizzes had been. And despite the fact that I forgot to bring my notes AND handphone, nothing really bad happened. Very few sources of temptation were at work. I went through the experiments smoothly, and learned that there WILL be an act of deception. No matter what. Plus, I actually had Bible Studies today! The last time I had it was like 1 month and 2 weeks ago. The downside is that good news always come with bad news. Must be Murphy's Law at work or something. Hopefully things will turn out well.

3. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. If I seem stoned, or if I seemed moody and depressed, just be assure that I'm okay. I just have so many things to think about. Everyone has so many things to think about. But I think I just spend more time thinking about things... Sometimes I wished that the answer would just come to me when I snap my fingers or something, but little did I know that the harder you search for things, the more worthwhile it becomes.

4. My sister is taking the camera to an event at Starbucks tomorrow, so I can't bring it. SOMEONE PLEASE BRING A CAMERA TOMORROW. If you don't know why, this message isn't for you.

5. I'm a perfectionist. Wait, let me rephrase that: I CAN be a perfectionist. And a very perfect one, to be frank. This can be both good and bad. The bad thing is that I take up TOO much time. The good thing is, things will be very near perfect. Relative to my standards, that is... Number 5 is not exactly a 9 March news, but it is somehow related to it. Some people will understand tomorrow.

Answer to the Question Below

2007-03-09T22:02:00.000+08:00

Answer to 'A, B and C':

The only one whose color can be determined is C.

If C's stamp were red, then B would have known that his stamp was not red by reasoning: "If my stamp were also red, then A, seeing two red stamps, would know that his stamp is not red. But A does not know that his stamp is not red because he did not see two red stamps. Therefore, my stamp cannot be red."

This proves that if C's stamp were red, then B would have known that his stamp was not red. But B did not know that his stamp was not red; therefore, C's stamp cannot be red.

The same argument, replacing the word red with yellow, shows that C's stamp cannot be yellow either. Therefore, C's stamp must be green.

If you don't understand this, you can ask me to explain directly...

Murphy and Smullyan

2007-03-07T21:19:00.000+08:00

A few updates:

1. Boon Woei's blog has been moved from the 'To Desperate To Be Listed' column to the 'Special Mention' Column, because he deserves it. Miss Betesy and Ai Li are still considered desperate. AHA. I'm so mean.

2. Julian will continue to be Julian Loh Something Something till he finally tells me his full name. Every other people on my links list should have their full names there so that other visitors will know whose blog they are visiting.

3. Josh updated his blog template. It looks so gothic and everything, and I'm left with this generic template which is not personal but is shared with over a 1000 other bloggers... Sometimes I wished I took a course in XHTML or CSS. I mean, I don't even know how to add a shoutbox and to encode music into the system.

And on to the main topic:

MURPHY'S LAW

The fundamental law for the pessimistic. But not all of Murphy's Laws are wrong in its own way. You'll understand why.

1. If anything can go wrong, it will.
2. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
3. If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
4. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
5. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
6. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
7. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

A, B and C

This is a logic puzzle I discovered when I was scavenging for research materials in the library. If you are stressed out by your assignments, or exhausted by the sheer complexities of the day, please skip this part. You have been warned.

(Smullyan 1982)

Three subjects - A, B, and C - were all perfect logicians. Each could instantly deduce all consequences of any set of premises. Also, each was aware that each of the others was a perfect logician. The three were shown seven stamps: two red ones, two yellow ones, and three green ones. They were then blindfolded, and a stamp was pasted on each of their foreheads; the remaining four stamps were placed in a drawer. When the blindfolds were removed, A was asked, "Do you know one color that you definitely do not have?" A replied, "No." Then B was asked the same question and replied, "No."

Is it possible, from this information, to deduce the color of A's stamp, or of B's, or of C's?

I'll give the answer after a few days. No cheating!

Princess

2007-03-06T20:11:00.000+08:00

Since I got Evie's driving exam date wrong, I'll review her blog for her.

One thing to note, her favourite colour is obviously PINK. But don't worry, she's not another radical Sungei Wang lala-mui. She's just Evie a.k.a. Princess.

It's funny, she has me on her links list but I didn't have her till today. Feel so guilty already.

Another thing, the person who I deem to be the MOST and perhaps the ONLY mature person within the 3 year gap from my age would have a blog which labels her in the same category as narcissistic children. But with a year behind me, she technically has allowance to be kiddish for some time.

And since she's so stressed with her driving exam and all, instead of yelling at people or kicking the instructor, she asks people to help her ongo a simple Johari/Nohari Window thingy. As a good friend, I shall attempt to make you visit those sites too:

http://kevan.org/johari?name=princess_evie

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=princess_evie

GO VISIT THEM NOW. Or just visit Evie's blog; her link is on the right.

Temptations

2007-03-06T17:36:00.000+08:00

Now in shocking pink:
GOOD LUCK EVIE GIRL!
Although you'd probably already pass your driving exam by now...
Edit: OOOPS, exam next Monday. I thought it was today :D.

Today I resisted temptation. Do you know how hard is it NOT to spend any money especially when you're hungry? It was several hours of pure unadulterated suffering. And guess what? Our dear lecturer Kenneth Phun had slides containing pictures of GREEN APPLES a.k.a. food. And he talked about hunger, thirst and sex. Sex I couldn't be bothered with, but FOOD?!?!

You evil lecturer.

He also gave us back our Quiz marks today. I got 6/10, not the score I would be pleased with, but I kind of expected it. Must remember that marks are not eevrything.

And thank goodness Mae fetched me back. I was really lazy to walk. In the car, she was talking about taking her groupies to eat Cheese Crab.

YOU BETTER NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT IT TOMORROW AR!

At least now I know how hard is it to save up money, but when I finally get what I've been wanting to save on, it'll surely be worth it. Worth every cent.

See ya tomorrow...

New Record

2007-03-05T18:47:00.000+08:00

The longest distance walked around my neighbourhood on an ordinary day:

To view a larger picture, click on it.

Super tired after that. But very satisfying. Anyone for another round?

Random Stuff

2007-03-05T13:43:00.000+08:00

1. I love the the blissful feeling I get when someone tells me about their life.

2. Kevin Lee is so passionate. He went to Ipoh, but came back for our Greg's wedding dinner and left back to Ipoh following the wedding dinner.

3. Sheng Mae is a calming driver. It's like I wasn't sitting in a car...

4. In Saturday service on the 3rd of March, I was surprised when I found myself to be numb to the loud music and drums.

5. Ally likes undercooked pasta.

6. Julian likes drawing buildings, Ally likes drawing rooms, Jessica likes drawing anything Japanese, but I like drawing abstract art. Josh doesn't draw, he just sits around and plays the guitar...

7. When you have an urge to do something, do it. I had the urge to go to school early on March 2nd to study the first chapter of the psychology textbook before the Intro. to Biopsychology mid-term paper. No prizes for those who guess correctly the most prominent section that came out for the exam...

8. Good things come to those who wait. I waited for everyone to clear from the front of Miss Winnee's office for the signups for the open-day extra-credit offer. She allowed Boon Woei and I to add my name at the last minute.

9. I lose things very easily.

10. I think my computer is obsolete. I can't play RE4 on my computer probably due to the sucky graphic card.

11 is the number of my birthdate.

12. BTW, anyone noticed the return of the sudden spikes of Internet connection?

13. Haven't sent Mell her copy of the Matrics yet. But I will soon.

14. I'm saving money for something, so try not to get me to spend on anything...

Designing a Superhero

2007-02-28T21:24:00.000+08:00

What would seem to be an interesting assignment turns out to be a nightmare when you are unable to choose your super-powers freely, being forced to link it to a biological sense. That's what we have for our Introduction to Biopsychology assignment: Create a superhero from scratch with relevant super-powers related to the bodily senses. There isn't much choice to sample from. Amongst the available powers are:

1. Super Sight/Telescopic Ability/Nightvision
2. Enhanced Hearing, Advance Localization Capabilities
3. Improved Olfactory Skills, Fragance Detection
4. Superior Taste Buds
5. Ultrasensitive Pressure Receptors
6. Temperature Discrimination
7. Pain Inhibitory Ability

None of which seem to be a part of a creative superhero. Time to rack my brains again.

Why can't we have choices of surreal super-powers?

My favourite superhero would be the Martian Manhunter.

J'onn J'onzz.

People call him the Jack of all Trades, and he deserves that title very much. He has super-strength, flight, x-ray vision and damage resistance like Superman, shapeshifting and transformation capabilities like Mystique, telepathy and psychokinesis control like Professor Xavier and teleportation prowess like Blink. And, he's smart too.

BAH, now I am forced to choose only ONE out of that terrible list of seven skills above. Wish me luck...

Emotional Rollercoaster and Lots of Other Crap

2007-02-26T20:56:00.000+08:00

I absolutely hate taking rollercoasters. People used to tell me I didn't have the guts to go on one, and I'll just tell them that they might be right. I think I'm just afraid of all the dives, drops and corkscrews. I'm afraid of being afraid. There is one thing that I am more afraid off: being angered.

I wish I never had this pent up anger in me. Who doesn't? I hate what it can do to me, making me get out of control, making me look like a lunatic, making me scream at my loved ones. I know the reality behind anger. I know it is like acid in the vat. I know it hurts me the longer I have it in me. But I just can't seem to let go. I don't know what unfinished business I may be waiting to resolve. I hope it comes fast. I just cannot stand it anymore.

Plus, what a bad impression I am puting on God. I am so terrible.

~o0O0o~

I feel the need to apologize to so many people.

Sorry to Alison Tee, for not replying your message. I guess I was afraid. Afraid of responsibility. It's like when small boys don't admit that they broke the bowl because they were afraid of repercussions. I feel so immature sometimes. So contradictory.

Sorry to Kevin Lee. Ditto above.

So sorry to God. And I keep saying that I will never take the saving Grace so easily. I am such a bad person. ARGH.

~o0O0o~

Okay, feel much better now. Today's mid-term papers were acceptable. As usual, I think I won't be doing as well for Leadership and Life Skills (a Study Skills type paper). But I think I will do quite well in my Introduction to Social and Health Psychology. Sorry to those who I had annoyed during pre-examination study sessions. I was just being me...

I really hope Sam and Ally gets better. They weren't feeling well today.

I'm still hoping that Ju will pass his PHD in drummorology examination.

Hope that everyone does well in their mid-terms.

I'm so jealous of people like Mellissa and Michael who gets all the interesting subjects like Philosophy, Graffitti (Crimonology) and Practical Issues in Science. Unfair leh. All I get is stupid boring LLS. Okay la, not stupid but definitely boring. Feeling quite glad that I have Cheong Win Nee though.

~o0O0o~

I really wish people would take me more seriously.

Each time I say stuff like, "I think I need to grow up" or "I think I must start being more dilligent" or perhaps "It is time for me to make some positive changes", they would just stare at me like I was crazy and go, "Hey, have you heard about the...", changing the subject.

I seriously want some changes in my life. I want the bad to go away. I want the good to be developed. And I need some help.

I have had enough criticism in life.

~o0O0o~

Enough rambling for today. I hope tomorrow would be a better day.

BTW, does anyone know the postage required for an A4 size envelop to Melbourne? Please leave reply!

Tag the Stupid Critic

2007-02-21T12:08:00.000+08:00

I have absolutely no idea how long it has been since I last blogged. The inability to express myself through this media is totally unnerving. As usual, everyone was hogging the computers during CNY so I'm so lucky to be able to sit down and blog in privacy after finding myself home alone. With so little space and time, let's begin:

1. The Tag

YES I WAS TAGGED. AHA! People would usually be irritated when they have to complete some long and tedious (and sometimes, boring) questionnaire, but I think they're quite fun. And yes, I already know what being tagged means. I know I am jakun. :P

Tagged by Poh Sim.

Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I used to and still own a soft toy monkey. I named him Monkey-ney. How's that for imagination? His tail came off once, and I accidentally sewed it back on the wrong side of the tail.

Cute or not?

2. I have a fetish for people rubbing my bald head.

3. When I order any soup-ish noodle dish, I finish off the soup first and eat the noodles dry.

4. My favourite part of a house/hotel/resort is its toilet/bathroom.

Drool.

5. I thought that Nicholas Cage looked HAWT (with a capital HAWT) in the movie Ghost Rider. But only in that movie. :P

Refined.

6. I am not bothered with the action of receiving angpows. I mean, I appreciate the gift, but it doesn't seem to bring me any happiness...

Tag 6 others: Isn't 6, like, too much? If you're reading this, you're tagged.

Sorry if I'm appearing too weird... That's the real me.

2. The Stupidity

I went to college today to find no one there. Apparently there aren't any classes. So much for my holiday and beautiful sleep. This shows you how much I need classes, and the sight of unseen friends...

3. The Critic

1. BETESY WHY YOUR BLOG SO CHEONG HEI ONE! MY EYES BLEEDING ALREADY! Red isn't only the colour of prosperity, it's also the colour of blood...

2. Ally updated her blog again. Maybe she should lose her voice more often then I wouldn't be so bored with nothing to read. NAH, just kidding.

Okay, I'm done for now. Can't wait for classes to resume.

Love the Pig

2007-02-17T17:14:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging in quite a while due to the lack of inspiration, aspiration and a proper internet connection. But, here I am, blogging just moments away from the Reunion Dinner, which apparently is going to be a steam-boatish one.

Before we begin, perhaps we should greet the moments of celebrations:

HAPPY VALENTINES AND HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
(Year of the Pig)

1. One thing is for sure: I'm fully cured! No more fever, no more sore throat and no more headaches. And just in time to sample the yearly delicacies we otherwise do not obtain. Kudos to all those people out there who prayed for healing. A million thanks is also due to my mum, although nags a lot at times, has good intentions for all her actions. And of course, how can I not forget the EXTRA sweet herbal tea and 2 packs of Yakult from Ally and Sherene respectively. Sorry for delivering the flask so late, and to be honest, I only drank one bottle of Yakult. Things seem to go missing in my house very fast, especially when it is some kind of food.

2. Is it me or I don't seem to feel the spirit of Chinese New Year everytime it comes around? It's like I'm not even looking forward to getting Ang Pows or even the food. The celebration of a new start of the Chinese calendar seems to get more and more monotonous, predictable and commercialized. Strange.

One good thing is that I do not like pork dishes that much, so I'm doing much for the pigs. Yay me.

3. If you're bored, come to my house for CNY. Because I'm bored too. :P

4. The Matrics first Bumper Issue is out! I'm like so happy and so sad at the same time. Miss Chris didn't change the font for some of the headings and it looked yucky. Boo for her. Boo for me too, for being so late and everything. And at the same time, the new Harvest Times is out. YEA. I was waiting so long for it.

I'm supposed to send a copy to Mell in Melbourne, but I think she doesn't have the address yet.

Okay, I'm museless again. The wonders of writer's bloc. See you around. And hopefully you get so much Ang Pows that you are willing to belanja me next time. AHA.

I Am SOOOOO Stupid Sometimes

2007-02-12T21:28:00.000+08:00

There is one thing bad about me that I sometimes want to slap myself hard for:

I CAN BE SO INSENSITIVE.

I mean, people are already suffering and I can still be so mean and inable to make proper decisions and actions. I am so an idiot I tell you. The good thing is that I at least know about the problem. The bad thing is that I think I would be insensitive sometime again in the future, despite my knowledge of the problem to start with.

BAH. Moving on.

When I was humming a lightly singing to alleviate my boredom during the 2 kilometres walk back home from the bus stop, it suddenly started raining. A rain song, it would seem. Initially, I was irritated by the rain, halting my already late journey home, yet, I knew that sometime this week, I was wishing for a rainfall. Be careful what you wish for, for you may get it.

I really hope the weather improves. People are starting to succumb to the illnesses of heatstroke and feverish conditions. People like me...

HEAT BEGONE!!!

Did it work?

BRRRRRR.

Nah, just kidding. I wish.

Oh, today I developed a personal mission statement during LLS tutorials. It is:

To forgive unconditionally.

Because we shouldn't be burdened by guilt. We shouldn't be strapped down by our failures, by our unconscious preferences and dislikes. We deserve more. Be happy.

Feeling Much Better

2007-02-11T22:11:00.000+08:00

How does it feel to feel so much better that you are not pulled down by your illness, physical disability and mental breakdowns?

Like heaven.

Of course, it doesn't mean I'm fully cured. For some unknown reason, or perhaps the weather, I am left with an intchy feeling near my chest and a slowly disintegrating sore-throat. But nothing big that is strapping me to the floor, no bother.

And finally, I was able to go to service. I felt quite bad for missing last week's double service bonanza, although I know that it's all part of the great plan. I also had the capability to sing during the worship and praise session, thank goodness. Pastor Kevin was so funny today, so relevant, which is good. Not that he is irrelevant all the time, but you know what I mean la...

Later, we surprised Poh Sim for her birthday. Yet again, we had trouble with lighting the candles, silly us. But the good thing is that she was happy. The cake tasted ten times better than my third granduncle's birthday cake, but Chinese birthdays are not really all about the cake, so there you go.

HAPPY B'DAY B.O.B.!

After lunch at the sidewalk cafe, we went to 1U to meet up with Sam and Stella (and surprisingly Evie) to accompany them for their CNY shopping. I felt quite sad because I wasn't able to buy anything. I wish to apologize to Sam for making him go and find me in who-knows-where when I did my disappearing act to the front of the Giordano...

Next stop: Jcquelyn's House warming party. Other than the huge and finely decorated house, I was able to see how a house is dedicated to the Lord for the first time. It was led by Pastor Tom of Something-Something-Something (Can't remember the 3-letter-initials) of a discipleship church. We had fun with the encounter with the worm/snake/lipan and our entertaining of ourselves.

A great day indeed.

I hope everyday I would be that blessed, but to think of it, I already am!

Headache

2007-02-08T14:22:00.001+08:00

I have a terible headache now. That's all, see you around.

I Will Be There For [Insert Name Here]

2007-02-07T19:17:00.000+08:00

Ever since yesterday when I returned to my systematically arranged school life, I was shocked, not by the amassing amount of workload, but the emotional state of my dear acquaintances.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!?!?

For the past 1 month or so I have been led to live life with happiness, even in my darkest moments, and it has worked out fine so far. And, I have to MEET all these sadistic and emoptionally unstable people? Forgive me for sounding selfish or angry, but I'm just horrified by reality.

I'm sorry.

I just want all of you to be happy. Overflowing with happiness and love for each other. Which is almost impossible unless you already are keeping faith strongly.

One thing you can do. You can talk to me. You might not think that I am close enough to share the burden, or that I shouldn't be allowed to carry such a burden, but don't worry:

That's what friends are for.

I may not understand. I may not be worthy. I may be a backstabber.

BUT I CARE.

More than you can ever imagine.

Tell me your story.

The Holy Three-nity #2

2007-02-05T20:27:00.000+08:00

And here am I again, feeling blessed by the close visitation of the third kind.

A not-so-surprising surprising visit by the three ladies of mercy, Ally, Stella and Sherene on the eve of the 5th of February marks a new step of life for me. I NEVER, and let me say this again, NEVER get visitors when I am sick. Until today.

And not only did the damsels in distress bless me with their presence, also, gifts which are remarkably more sincere then the material loss in those items greeted me with a fancy, a doubting image of heartful considerations. 2 packets of Yakult and a still-boiling draught of homemade herbal tea.

Never before have I felt more comforted by the presence of friendly acquaintances. Of true beings in their purest forms.

I thank you all.

Homemade Tag #1

2007-02-05T17:13:00.000+08:00

This is my first homemade tag. Hope you enjoy it.

1. The superstition that is most superstitious to you although some people seem to hold this superstition so super superstitiously strict:
The one about people shaking their legs having future financial losses. I mean, I'm just trying to exercise my legs and keep awake.

2. The kind of people who will just make you turn away, regardless of how much you tell yourself to love people with compassion, or to eliminate from your conscious egotistical prejudices:
People with the 'face problem'. And descendants from the Lala and Jinjang planets.

3. The food that you will eat even though you are having a chronic throat infection and an extreme secretion of mucus and unsightly phlegm:
Flour noodles.

4. The first thing that will come to your mind when someone tells you that he/she had sex before:
I'll stop thinking.

5. When people say you're fat, you take that statement as:
True. But somehow, I don't take actions to challenge that statement. Lazy and I were meant for each other.

6. If you can wish for any one form of supernatural powers, what would it be?
I would wish for the power to control space and time. Like Teferi, a planeswalker from the 'Magic the Gathering' Brotherhood storyline.

7. You have 1 wish, but it must be wished for something bad (ethically, morally and subjectively). What would you wish for?
I would wish for my own death. Better I suffer myself than to allow others to do the same.

8. If you could have the ability to play any musical instruments, which one would you want to master in particular?
The grand piano.

9. Suggest a beautiful movie for beautiful people to beautifully watch.
A Beautiful Mind, which is simply beautiful.

10. What is your hypothesized definition of 'missive' without checking the dictionary?
Massively small.

11. Tag others.
Sam, Poh Sim and Boon Woei. If you are listed here, copy the questionnaire and post it on your blog.

Ill Dawning

2007-02-05T14:37:00.000+08:00

I feel better already, thanks to so many things. To the greatness of natural healing and medical technologies. To the care of my beloved parents and support of true friends. To the Lord. And to juice, of course.

Hopefully the dawn of my full recovery will be tomorrow.

Losing Senses Gaining Senses

2007-02-04T02:41:00.000+08:00

I sit in front of my computer in the wee hours of the morning, wondering why I still am living. Having slept from 4 p.m. till midnight, I am developing a chronic sore throat which is capable of scaring the living daylights out of any Ear, Nose and Throat Physiologists. Barely having the energy to type, I created this post in commemoraton of what has been happening in the past 2 days.

Have you ever felt unreal, literally? The feeling of waking up to a world where reality seemed to be bent. Where you couldn't even feel your fingers or legs. Where you feel afloat, yet rooted to the ground below. Where you start having a misperception that everything around you is a figment of your imagination. I have. Yesterday, after waking up from a short afternoon nap at 12.30 p.m., I felt surreal, I felt like the world was about to disappear. I couldn't feel. I didn't know why. When I looked at people at talked to them, I can barely tell whether I am talking or not. I can barely feel myself existing.

I quote from the Dr. Rosen in the show 'A Beautiful Mind' (which I somehow watched before writing this post):

"Imagine if you suddenly learned that the people, the places, the moments most important to you were not gone, not dead, but worse, had never been. What kind of hell would that be?"

The worst kind of hell, I would say.

As I started getting back my sensory capabilities during the screening of 'Crash' during the Psychology Movie Festival, I began to appreciate the immaterial things of life: friends who would care for me at my darkest hour, the world we life in with all its horrors and miracles and most importantly, my relationship with the Lord who loves me infinitely.

However, the pain I am currently going through makes my presence seem atrociously ugly. My throat occasionally spasm with pain, shaking my head like a rattlesnake's rattle. Together with the feeling of lightheadedness, I feel sick. I blame myself for being an ignorant fool, for not being able to care for my worldly body in which I am able to love the world. Dehydration and an unbalanced diet led to a variety of signs which I completely ignored and vanquished. Screaming at the top of my voice at the GMB concert further irritated my throat further.

A minor digression: GMB ROCKS!

I feel disappointed and unfaithful by missing 2 powerful services yesterday and today, I sometimes question whether my faith is string enough, whether the attachment to my physical body was that important.

Mark 14
38 "Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

Nevertheless, I never felt more blessed at this moment, knowing that there will be a miracle.

There will be a miracle. Because the best moments of my life has yet to come.

Okay, now I think I better go sleep again. See you at a more convenient hour.

The Holy Three-nity

2007-02-01T21:35:00.000+08:00

My final post for the day. Today got three. Three is seriously the holy number.

1. For those of you who do not know why we have a holiday today, this is why: Today is HARI PENUBUHAN WILAYAH PERSEKUTUAN. Don't ask me what is it about. I tried google-ing it and ended with no results. BAH. The number three plays a role here, as in three federal teritories: Kuala Lumpur, Labuan and Putrajaya.

2. Today I drove a car three times ALONE. For the first time. Quite scary actually, but it turned out to be not such a scary event. No accidents. No nothing. I tell you, people going to Stella's B'day party tomorrow at Araville better liked my Bread Jelly, I spent half the day prancing around town getting all the required ingredients. So, even if the jelly is rock hard, they better like it. I think I'm making three trays. Three again.

3. Today I'll be reviewing three blogs. Three again:

1. First up we have 'The Sailor Girl Speaks.' by the famous Ng Ai Li. Yes, she's famous. How many of us gets our faces in the newspapers every now and then? With our names spelt wrong? AHA. Ng Ai Lie. The reporter sleeping on the job, I think. I must wish her good luck for her upcoming Langkawi competition. Hopefully no one hits themselves on the bow or something, yea? Her blog is all about her adventures in the high (and low) seas. When will she bring me along?

2. Second up we have The Betesy/Beetsy/Bet See. Her blog is funneh. I like it. It has things people are looking for: flawless scribbles. Cakar ayam. Like this:

BETESY WHERE ARE YOODELAYHEEHOOOYOODELAYHEEHOOOOOOOOOOOO...
(Keep screaming until it flies off the blog frame.)

3. There's one thing good about Google owning Blogger: You can find people's blogs by just google-ing their full names. So I found the Silent but Superior BOON the WOEI. He is full of questions. I mean, you can see that from the name of his blog. Boon Woei, do you know that when you get a 'Cannot Find Server' after publishing a post, you just have to press 'BACK' to get everything that you have written? You don't have to Ctrl-C all the time, you know?

The Holy Three-nity. Never lose them.

Life Of The Rich And Famous

2007-02-01T10:30:00.000+08:00

We know who they are. They are the group of people appearing in the magazines, televisions and radio. They are the crowd at clubs in Bangsar and Hartamas. They are the individuals adorned by the latest fashion, having the afinity for luxurious goods. They are the practioner of upper-class living. Most of them MUST be a socialite, they have to be, that's their life. The old methodology was that the rich and famous are obnoxious snobbish snots, but I know better than that. I knew that there are groups of people out there who live a life millions of people are dreaming off, yet still be humble and respectable. but, let me tell you something:

I'm beginning to lose that faith.

I see people getting ugly. I see people fighting over the slightest matter. I see people becoming less human. I see darkness. A void. A bottomless abyss. Weakness.

Then when they're falling down the pit, you stand at the edge wondering whether you should jump after them. I found the best thing to do:

Don't.

It's just not worth it. The only thing thing you'll do if you jump after them is cause both of you to fall even faster.

Remind yourself that things are usually always not what they seem to be. People act. People lie. People sin. People kick you into the pit when you're looking at your friend down below.

Finally, my final message:

THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU.

Get a life. Get true friends. Get true love. Stop hurting people. Stop being idiotic, egotistical, selfish.

You know who you are.

Another Tagged Thingy

2007-02-01T08:10:00.000+08:00

No one tagged me. Heck, I don't even know what tagged means. I think I tagged myself thorugh Sam's blog. HA.

1. Are your parents married or divorced?
Married.

2. Are you a vegetarian?
No.

3. Do you believe in Heaven?
Define heaven.

4. Have you ever come close to dying?
Define dying.

5. What jewellery do you wear 24/7?
Nothing. I wished I could have jewelry.

6. Favourite time of day?
Morning.

7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Yes. It's better than the stems of most of the other leafy vegetables.

8. Do you wear makeup?
What makeup?

9. Ever have plastic surgery?
Ew.

10. Do you colour your hair?
No. Will I? Maybe.

11. What do you wear to bed?
Anything under the moon.

12. Have you ever done anything illegal?
Yes. I think.

13. Can you roll your tongue?
No.

14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows?
Never. Would you teach me?

15. What kind of sneakers?
None. I would have Sketchers if I could have a pair.

16. Do you believe in abortions?
Do you mean, 'Do you support abortion?'? I mean, I have to believe in it because it exists, right?

17. What is your Hair color?
Obsidian.

18. Future child’s name?
Never thought of it.

19. Do you snore?
Yes. At times.

20. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
Shangri-La.

21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Used to. They were fun.

22. If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
Save in the bank la.

23. Gold or silver?
Silver, as in Perlini's Silver, not Poh Kong.

24. Hamburger or hot dog?
Hamburgers.

25. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Taman Megah's Restoran Gembira's Flour Noodles.

26. City, beach or country?
Country.

27. What was the last thing you touched?
Keyboard?

28. Where did you eat last?
At home. Oreos.

29. When’s the last time you cried?
CG meet. No one was seeing anyway.

30. Do you read blogs?
Of course. Check out my links.

31. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Would you?

32. Ever been involved with the police?
No.

33. What’s your favourite shampoo conditioner and soap?
Dove. But so expensive la.

34. Do you talk in your sleep?
I think I don't. I snore la.

35. Ocean or pool?
Ocean. But pool if you were referring to Port Dickson's beaches.

36. So, who has the original missing questions?
Huh?

37. Who would you take on a ménage à trois for a dirty weekend?
What in the world is a 'ménage à trois'?

38. Window seat or aisle?
Window!

39. Ever met anyone famous?
Can't remember. I should have, but it didn't seem to be anyone who had a big impact on me.

40. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?
Not yet. But I will have it.

41. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
Twirl.

42. Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
Neither?

43. Basketball or Football?
I play football better than basketball, but not necessarily good at both. I do not watch any of them on TV.

44. How long do your showers last?
Ranges from 1 minute to 1 hour. The mean is around 2 minutes.

45. Automatic or do you drive a stick?
Auto. But I like sticks.

46. Cake or ice cream?
Can I have both?

47. Are you self-conscious?
How do you tell?

48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up?
No.

49. Have you ever given money to a beggar?
No.

50. Have you been in love?
Yes.

51. Where do you wish you were?
Isn't this question is exactly the same as question number 20?

52. Are you wearing socks?
Now? No.

53. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Many times. But not as the patient.

54. Can you tango?
No.

55. Last gift you received?
Poh Sim's CC treat. TQTQTQ!

56. Last sport you played?
Can't remember.

57. Things you spend a lot of money on?
Food.

58. Where do you live?
Taman Sea, Petaling Jaya.

59. Where were you born?
Assunta Hospital.

60. Last wedding attended?
My distant cousin's one in Ipoh.

61. Spit or swallow?
Swallow.

62. Favorite position?
Erm...

63. Most hated food(s)?
Too many to write.

64. What’s your least fav.?
Of?

65. Can you sing?
Ask Cowell.

66. Last person you instant messaged?
Joshua.

67. Last place you went on holiday?
Langkawi. WOOHOO!

68. Favourite regular drink?
Teh Tarik Kurang Manis.

69. Current Song?
Come What May - Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman.

70. Tag 3 friends: HOW DO YOU TAG PEOPLE!?!?!?

Me and My Moron-ic Memory

2007-01-31T14:24:00.000+08:00

I am a very forgetful person, seriously. It's surprising how people correlate memory and intelligence together. During examination seasons, people will gaze at you with awe for reciting things in order, then they'll ask you, "Why you so smart one, ar?" If my memory was that great, why can't I even remember my sister's handphone number? Why can't I remember people's faces and names? Why can't I remember my good friend's birthday?

Okay, enough with my memory, today I'll be reviewing the blog of the great-but-don't-know-whether-she-should-be-called-great-or-
whether-she-is-great-in-the-first-place-mae-the-gay. Mae is gay, definitely. Happy, not homosexual. But if she is homosexual in the first place, does it matter? AHA. Me and my bad sense of humor. Her blog, which, apparently, is still new, already has too many pictures to comprehend. I mean, posting too many pictures of yourself in your blog = egotistical nature. I mean really, it's not good for the visitors' eyes. I practically speed-scrolled down her blog till I came to the Mallacan food part. YUMMY. Who can resist food? The overview verdict is 'On Par', and let me tell you something: that's a very good rating. You may check out Mae the Gay's blog through the Special Mention column on your right.

This Friday, there will be a GMB concert at City Harvest, Kuala Lumpur. To those who do not know what GMB is, it is a Christian Worship Band from Indonesia named 'Giving My Best', which is, like, very the good. To all paradoxicalmouth visitors, I strongly encourage you to go, no matter who you are! Remember, this Friday, 8 pm. Don't be late, ar? (I don't know why I bothered to advertise here, as there aren't many who would even bother to visit ths page in the first place, but oh well.)

ARGH, I'm suddenly museless again. Me and my moron-ic muse. See you another day!

Deep Waters

2007-01-26T16:59:00.000+08:00

My first right aligned post. We start off with a poem.

He was looking at all other places,

But never where he should have;
He looked down to the reflection,
Finding himself looking above.

OMG JU I LOVED THIS!!! BTW, Ju is The Guitarist.

Finally - Fergie

MMMMMMMM

Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream
Cinderella theme
Crazy as it seems
Always knew that deep inside that there would come that day
But I would have to wait
make so many mistakes
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold
This classic story told I left it in the cold
Walking through unopened doors that led me back to you
Each one unlocking more of the truth

I finally stopped tripping on my youth
I finally got lost inside of you
I finally know I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]
Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
Its the best that I've ever had
Give my love to him finally

MMMMMMMM

I remember the beginning you already knew
I acted like a fool
Just trying to be cool
Fronting like it didn't matter
I just ran away
Put on another face
Was lost in my own space
Found what its like to hurt selfishly
I was scared to give up me
Afraid to just believe
I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place
Stumbled through the mess that I have made

Finally got out of my own way
I Finally started living for today
I finally know I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul

[chorus]

MMMMMMMM

Finally, Finally

[chorus]

Ohhhhhhh, Finally, Finally, Finally

I love metaphors, and this song is pretty full of them! This song pretty much explains my relationship with Him. Other than the part about 'I was a baby girl' cause I would be a baby boy then... Enjoy!

Ups and Downs 260107

2007-01-26T15:59:00.000+08:00

The explosion of fireworks, fanfare and the media insanely clicking on their cameras to capture the perfect moment of celebrities walking on the red carpet. Welcome to the first multi-annual:

Part 260107.

So, you must be seated on one of those expensive leatherback chairs, relaxing to the wonderfully picked background music, talking to other celebrities sitting around you. And after a very long wait due to Malaysian timing, we are ready to start the event. Our host is no other than the famous duo themselves:

The Bikini Bottom hosts.

Yes, I hear you screaming with joy for the appearance of one of the world's most popular holed-creature, but you better sit down ma'am...

First up on our list is the Downs category. The category is created especially to reward to remind us of the horrifyingly bad and terrible things we have came across so far. Who will be ranked top in this genre?

5. The first from the back is FATTINESS. It's not good to be fat. People call you fat. And then you'll have a low-self esteem. Go and workout, silly!
4. Sitting at number 4, we have BAD HABITS. Bad habits are horrible, especially when they become very constant and untreatable. There is still hope! Go and condition yourself out of this habits!
3. Third on the lost is FINANCIAL INSTABILITY. You know you aren't working and you spend like you are. Don't be a fool.
2. The first runner up is THE FLOOR. Because no matter what, you can't NOT agree that the ground isn't, erm..., down.
1. And the topper for today's Down's Category is LYING! Lying is bad. Period.

Last but not least, we have the Ups list, where we give thanks to all things that are high up and imcredibly miraculous.

5. First we have the fifth place taker: INTELLIGENCE. No need to be humble, accept the fact that you're smart. Smart, but not dilligent.
4. The third runner up is no other than MUSIC. Beautiful music to be exact. Of course, it is subject to a person's taste and style and mood.
3. Lucky number three has COMPANY on it. Great company included good friends who care for you.
2. Placed in the second seat, we have THE SKY. I think you're smart snough to know why.
1. The topper of all toppers is GOD'S GRACE.

Thanks for coming to today's Ups and Downs. Glad you liked the attention.

I KNOW IT IS BORING. I JUST HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO WRITE ABOUT YET!

The Summary

2007-01-25T23:53:00.000+08:00

7.00 am - Woke up, feeling energetic!

7.30 am - Breakfast. Sarawak style noodles.

8.00 am - Rotting in front of the computer. Wasting away time with my stupid habits.

9.30 am - Received shocking news from Mell. Still quite blur.

10.00 am - Get ready for college.

10.30 am - Head for college. Forgot both wallet AND phone. Luckily was only 1 block away from my house. Thank God.

11.00 am - Bus station. Ally boarded not long after.

11.30 am - Reach college/uni. Found out the SLE thingy was at 1.00 pm rather then 12.00 pm.

12.00 pm - All About Mee with Ally and Sam, and with Josh not long after.

1.00 pm - SLE talk. Who is May and Choy anyway?

2.00 pm - Take bus.

2.30 pm - Josh's lunch.

3.00 pm - Blitz. Medusa. Lost. CS. Bla.

5.00 pm - Reached Ally's house. Had the determination not to shout back at the 'hurtful' Indian security guard.

5.30 pm - Photostat sermons.

6.00 pm - Sunway for dinner at the chinese restaurant.

7.30 pm - Reached CHC.

8.00 pm - Li Ching's treasure hunt. Fun but sweaty. Praise and Worship and Preaching.

10.00 pm - Head to Williams with Sam, Poh Sim, Julian, Josh and Hazel. Hazel drove us.

10.30 pm - William's Ribena Lychee + Cheese Naan (with more cheese than you think there is) = Bloated Min Huei. Jamie Ang was there too.

11.30 - Hazel sends me back.

12.00 pm - Write this post. Too full to sleep. But feeling sleepy now. Feeling empty but will feel it with spiritual food. Nitez.

Being Best

2007-01-23T18:22:00.000+08:00

The life of a perfectionist can be far from being perfect. In fact, perfectionists tend to life a trying to fix all the mistakes in their life, trying to make their world seem idealistic. It is often that a realist or even the real world itself can bring a perfectionist down to the ground, literally, and other realists would just trample over them, without a pinch of empathic misery. I'm not just talking about myself; there are millions of people who had gotten overrunned at least once in their lifetime, and it isn't exactly their fault to be honest.

I used to know what being academically best is like: the warm fuzzy admiration by others when the world seem to suddenly pause for eternity. Then emptiness. People walk away from you and continue their lifes, as if you were just another temporary pitstop, then you stand alone, asking yourself, "What is the meaning of life?".

If you asked me whether I had a best friend before, I would answer this.

"No."

A sad answer I would say, but I have never had a best friend I could trust all my secrets with, a best friend I could find to share my problems, a best friend to celebrate the moments of joy with, a best friend who would cry with you during your darkest hours, changing those moments into the best moments of your life.

Never.

I used to treat friends like strangers, not caring for them, not caring for the possibility that they might die anytime soon. Of course, it just isn't nice to even think them as dead, but you know what I mean. I used to think I knew who my friends were, and how they were like. Yet, I failed to prove that right, as they usually would surprise me more then I can surprise them. I envy those who walk together on a same road, sharing their lifes as if they were one.

I have changed though. I know can't live without friends. When I get home from college, the only thing I would do is to sit in front of the computer, patiently waiting to talk with a selected few I consider myself dedicated to. Sometimes, I get what I waited for: company. Sometimes, I just get the same silence again.

Don't let me go through it again.

Would you be my best friend?

Coconut Jelly

2007-01-21T11:29:00.000+08:00

My mum just came back from teaching yoga and she brought us some jelly coconut.

An unopened jelly coconut.

Jelly coconuts seem to look like an ordinary baby coconut and its content is only betrayed when the lid is opened.

The lid is opened, releasing its aromatic jelly coconut scent.

One thing is for sure: jelly coconuts are refreshing and are good for health. To new gourmets, the jelly coconut might taste a little fermented, but that is quite ordinary. The sweetness comes from the original flavour of the coconut, with seemingly no added sugar. So to those health freaks, go get them. Some people might find the jelly to be a little 'jelak-ing' or in english, unbearable after a while, so it might be a wise idea to share one amongst friends.

The stall selling this can be found at the SS2 wet market in between the food court and the wide and white parking lot, on Sunday mornings.

Running out of Titles

2007-01-21T07:37:00.000+08:00

These days, I really cannot find a suitable title for the things I blog about. So, yea, I'm runnng out of titles...

1. First on the list of blog-gable issues is my friend's 'addiction' for the anime 'Ouran High School Host Club'. A host club is a club where its members will host events and, erm... use methods of charming girls... Since I know there are people who cannot read long passages of text without falling asleep on their keyboard and making the computer go 'WOOO' and typing random letters over in Microsoft Word , I plan to add pictures for your visual purposes. To the bottom is just an image of the characters in the anime.

Ouran High School Host Club

I don't understand how they can become so addicted to the show, and as they talked about it at the back of Ally's car yesterday, I was left to sit in front and wonder whether I should, like, butt in their conversation. I watched the anime once, and it IS funny, but I am just too lazy to download anime this days. When I went to find out a little of the history behind this anime, I found this: "The series started as a manga serialized in Lala magazine on August 5, 2003." When I searched what Lala magazine was, this was what I found: "LaLa is a monthly Japanese Shojo manga magazine published by Hakusensha, aimed primarily at teenage girls. It is released on the 24th of each month."

AHAHAHAHA. Aimed at teenage girls. Nevermind-la, those people are girls anyway.

An extract from the Lala Magazine, for lala-zhai. AHA.

2. Remember what I talked about my previous blog? The one about my freshmen lunch? Let me tell you something: It is WHOA! They had like, food, good food. Mushroom Rice, Fried Chicken, Rendang Chicken, Salt and Pepper Squid (I like this a lot!), Butter Prawns, Roast Lamb (Which they roasted on the spot outside KPD Block E), Vegetables (I think it was Kailan, but not sure...), Fish Infused Tofu, Fried Fishballs, Yummy Chocolate Brownies (Heavenly), Fruit Tarts and Jelly. I mean, I think I would have joined Psycho just for the food if you tod me about this lunch. :D

And they had to make us put on these academic robes which was really more like winter clothing in this hot and humid Malaysian weather. The speeches was quite inspirational. I mean, with Dr. Goh always on the go, what can go wrong?

3. Julian went dating yesterday. Who can the lucky person be? Wait, am I supposed to say this?

4. I feel really, really jealous of boo_licius's blog at http://masak-masak.blogspot.com/. She goes around the KL/PJ region and eats all the good food. In her latest post, she was advertising one of the KL mee rebus. ARGH. Food is my weakness. I suggest you brwose through her blog if you want to find good food. Or if you want to feast on the pictures, which seem to be very professionally taken.

Mee rebus with Rojak Sotong

5. To a certain someone. Just relax, everything is gong to be fine. Maybe you were just confused. Maybe you look at people wrong. But don't forget to hope!

Food but No Food

2007-01-19T19:33:00.000+08:00

I woke up at 6.30 am today, but I was still a little stiff from previous days. And today, I was going to fast, no more breakfast, no more lunch, no more dinner and no more binging away my sorrows (which I don't really have now, but I still like to binge). Soon after, I had to walk to the bus station about 1.5 km away. I sometimes wonder why I seem to be unfit although I walk so much everyday; I think walking doesn't work for me. Plus, Sam said I was fat yesterday (in a good sort of way), so I think I better start watching my body... I mean, better not grow sideways too much.

I had to do the first part of my naturalistic observation today at McD, and we were to record the difference of the number of males and females versus the different ways of opening a swing door (push or pull). I was positioned outside, and the fumes from both McD and Restoran Dinar Maju kind of reminded me of food, but my stomach endures! What really annoyed me was the McD cleaner who totally disrupted our experiment, opening doors for the customers... Amusing though. Plus I was blessed with all the company who happened to pass by my observation spot, so lucky me. Another thing was that I instinctively hummed the tune to Sugababes 'Push the Button', and as I went into McD after the observation ended, I heard it playing over the McD fm. When I went to Registry 1 to get my result transcript, it played on someone's phone. If this isn't an omen, you tell me.

It's very sad and boring when most of your friends' blogs on your list isn't updated often, especially Miss Spirited Taxi and Miss Stayla Ho. Come on, keep me entertained.

Looking forward to the Stayla Ho partay, but must remind myself to make Bread Jelly and Apple Crumble, and try to make my own Vanilla Sauce. Also, I think there will be a gathering-ish thing at Williams (FOOD!!!) near Lim Kwok Wing at Taman Mayang, so I'll be there for the food. I mean the people :). My goodness, why is everything I seem to be blogging about seemingly be related to food? Irony. Oh, plus I can hardly wait for the Freshmen lunch tomorrow, WEE! I hope what Dr. Goh said about the availability of 'good food' is true. More food, YAY ME!

Talking about more food, I have to say that what most people say about Penang having wonderful food is kinda an over-exaggeration. Not to say that there isn't any good food altogether, but the good food isn't everywhere, and usually you'll need to search high and low to get that perfect laksa. Penang Laksa isn't my thing. Sarawak Laksa for the win. But Penang Char Kueh Tiow (hope I spelled it correctly... sorry, I'm a banana) is good at most places.

Okayla, enough we the food, I think I better go and revise my BS now. Must eat of the spiritual I need :P. See you around!

Edit:

Okay, the party won't be at Williams, quite sad. Apparently it isn't 'yeng' enough. How can they say that about the food!?!? Oh well, I hope the new replacement won't burn a hole in my wallet, must plan finances well...

I was suddenly inspired to make food for tomorrow, so that I can break fast with style. My brain just yelled out "Potato Salad", so there I go. I was almost done making it when I realized I didn't have mushrooms, and cream of mushroom, and milk. So my potato salad will not be that great. I added corn bits inside for additional flavour, can't wait till tomorrow!

I actually decided to play naughty and just break fast at 12.00 am this midnight but there is a voice telling me to wait. My instinct tells me the Holy Spirit wants me to wait. :D

Pr0n Production

2007-01-17T20:55:00.000+08:00

Today I will be advertising what I would like to call a 'Special Mention' , a website named Pan Production. My initial reaction was that the name of the site sounded like a pr0n site, no offence. However, the site proved to be just an expression of creativity and artwork. Yay for me. You can access this site in the Special mention list on the right, there's only one so you won't miss it.

And to a certain someone, hope.

Explosion of Flaming Shrapnel

2007-01-15T21:03:00.000+08:00

I suddenly feel like I'm in a mood to blog, and all those things I waned to blog about suddenly emerges and obliterates, raining the land with shards of truth. Whether it's tainting the earth is another story altogether.

Be reminded that the next few things I will be blogging about is going to be strangely vivid. So if you do want to continue, please have an open mind, for I will not lie here.

1. I had a dream about one week ago. You must understand that I usually experience what I would call blank or black dreams, where the only memory of the adventures you had the night before is seen as a sheet of black carbon paper. But the fact that I could remember this dream, and physically wanted to sleep more just to find out the outcome of the dream, made this dream feel important and real. It all started vaguely in a strange mansion, and a series of unclear events led me to think that it was Josh's house. I mean, I saw him, I saw me, I saw the house, and since the house couldn't be mine, it should be his. Or his dad's. Yes, the strangest part of the dream was that I saw Josh's dad, I didn't know why, but it just happened.

We were talking to each other when suddenly we had a disagreement. Wait, I think I spilled milk on the floor. And Josh suddenly started to be angered and scold me, threaten me with words of which I shall not elaborate. His father started joining the fight, on his side. And I tried hard to defend myself, but I was wrong technically, and being in a position where I have no command, I just couldn't retaliate. And then I woke up. If this isn't some form of omen, you tell me. When I woke up (although I really wanted to wait for the outcome), I just didn't know which one to be afraid of: the fact that Josh was being a dream enemy, or Josh having his dad beside him. I labelled that dream a nightmare.

2. I think I'm over with the person I thought I was in love with. I don't know the reason why, but deep down inside, I know it is fault on my side. She doesn't even know a thing till today! However, I do know one thing: I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER. I'm sure about that, and I won't lie. But, somehow, I know that it just is never meant to be, at least not yet. I'm also happy that it's over, when it haven't even started.

Now, who is the girl, you might ask. Sorry, but you have to be a little patient, it just isn't the time yet, sorry!

3. I'm officially a Christian. Although perhaps not legally yet (Not yet 21, mar...). I'm happy about it. I heard Sheryn say something about Sam being one too. Is that true? Why am I always the last to know things...

4. Today I went to visit the feverish Ally with both Sam and Josh, and this being the absolute FIRST time I visited a sick friend in his/her house, it's something exciting. Sam and I cooked vegetarian beehoon and ginger team for her. Our cooking leaves much to be desired for. The beehoon had practically not much soup left, and what seemed to be a little uncooked beehoon multiplied to an entire bowl of it. I felt bad that we had to waste it all by throwing it away, but it's just another lesson learnt. The ginger tea, although was drinkable, was seriously not sweet enough. Now I know what Ally meant by 'just throw the sugar in'.

We also took her to the doctor. Nothing serious la, the fever was already quite down when she arrived at the clinic. Was it our treatment? :) As for Ally, you better come to Uni tomorrow, ar? Got quiz you know? Forget about cineleisure and seeing Night at the Museum, go and sleep!

5. Okay, I ran out of things to talk about. SHEESH! And I still feel like I can go on for the whole night. Talk about writer's bloc. BAH! See you tomorrow, with newer pieces of flaming shrapnel.

What is 'You'?

2007-01-14T12:17:00.000+08:00

No, seriously, what is 'you'? You see 'you' in songs, but you don't know who it is. You see many other 'you's in this post. So, who are you?

In my opinion, you are everything I want you to be.

'Everyday I love you more and more.'

Who is that you?

Find your 'you', and be happy for eternity.

P.S.: What does this strange post mean? I don't know, just being metaphorically symbolic. It's funny how I try to type a post day after day but not have any courage to put anything in. But today, this just flowed out, so there you go. Love ya' all!

God Bless.

Everyday I Tell Myself This

2007-01-05T20:16:00.000+08:00

Everyday I tell myself this:

The more pain you go through, the brighter the end of the tunnel. The more misery you go through, the more you'll learn to appreciate the good times. The more bitterness in your life, the saltier you will get.

But can I live with this in mind? Everyday I question my existence. But who doesn't? Everyday I tell myself, you're here because you're here. But am I? Everyday I try to be as happy as possible. But is that really what I feel?

I start to think my feelings are blatant liars. But they can't be, can they? I start to think I'm getting a little inhuman. Does that mean I'm getting 'aliened'? I start to sing with all my heart. But is my heart really singing? How do you tell me? How do I find out?

There has been periods of loneliness. But everyone goes through it, don't they? There has been periods of misfortune. It can't be a bad roll all the time. There has been periods when I'm so confused, and lead others in my path. As they walk down the crooked road, I start to feel the guilt, that they should be spared the pain.

But yet again I found that light, a shining glimmer of hope. It stands out in the open crying, 'come to me and you'll cope'. And miraculously I follow the path, in my hypocrite mind, I see a blinding light, more and more I'm touched.

I'm not alone I know that too, people gone through that same cue. But am I ready yet? I don't know. All that's ready is my soul. But minds alike we share the same. The feelings of scientific gain. Must we, should we, is there something, we should be learning from this yearning?

Yes, there is, as long as you accept. Soon I hope, it's not too late yet.

It's waiting for you, shining it's light. Don't let it down. Don't be blind.

And now, everyday, I tell myself this:

Thank you for everything, thank you for you. And in it's wake I start to love again.

The Eve

2006-12-31T17:43:00.000+08:00

Today, I pen my final words in my blog, of this year I mean. There seems to be much that I need to tell everyone, but I just can't seem to figure what is it. I'll try my very best. What I'm going to do before stepping into the new year, is to forget the bad parts of the past, and to move on with the future. No turning back. Because looking back hurts us a lot, and slows us down too.

I can't say that 2006 has been a wonderful year for me. It could probably fall in the 'good' category instead of the 'marvelous' or 'stupendous' ones. It's not like nothing good did happen, in fact, I discovered something that has been imprison in my heart for so long. And that's good. I did make many mistakes, I did sinned, lied to people I cared for, and some other actions I can't possibly tell you now.

I want to say something to someone no one knows, someone who doesn't know about me too: Thank you for being my turning stone, for although I might not be able to feel the same way about you anymore, you have changed my life. For the better? Definitely! I want you to know, that when the time comes for the revelation, don't fret. We shall start anew.

Soon, people. Patience is a virtue.

Next, we shall move on to my New Year Resolutions, which I have never made before. Here is the sole one I have made:

And mind you, it isn't easy to do the above. I really hope everyone can help me do so, in any way. I wish to apologize to those who had cared for me although I was quite blind to see those pure actions in true colours. I also wish to thank those who had indeed been a true friend.

Now, I lay in wait for the moment of my rebirth, where I will forget everything from the past. I plan for those who are my dearest closest to be present at my rebirth. Who are they? You can be my dearest closest, if you choose to be. See you on the other side.

Five

2006-12-27T21:09:00.000+08:00

There only remain 5 days to the new year, and I can hardly wait for it. Before I step into a new year, I need and will finish up a few unfinished businesses which my old self has horribly done (or not done).

1. The Matrics. Miss Chris is still waiting patiently, don't disappoint her. Don't disappoint me. And at the same time, ask Mell how the freakin' hell she has made her new blogger template. Jealous!

2. My MyKad.

3. My apologies. To Sheryn, to Ally, to Pastor Kevin.

4. My religious affiliation.

5. My unfinished love life. My feelings for her. Is it still there? And I promised so many others the disclosure of my private relationship. Will I do it? Should I do it?

On the eve of my rebirth, I am planning to have a personal gathering, and I hope that my dearest closest will be there to follow me down the path of self-discovery.

The Void Within

2006-12-23T13:21:00.000+08:00

When I went in search of something to fill my heart yesterday, I left the place with my heart emptier. The exhaustion, the hole of nothingness inside me grows bigger. Why?

Am I not prepared to fill that void yet? Am I not sure what to fill that void with?

People seem to be so fulfilled just because their void has been filled, but what if that wasn't meant for me. What if I wasn't meant for that?

Confusion.

And now I think I'm very scared. Very worried. Not by the Almighty but of his servants' faith. The love that is overwhelming. But why do they act so?

I'm really empty. Emptier. And I felt betrayal. Mistrust. Unless of course, that was fate. It was meant to happen. But how can I be sure of that? Maybe I'm not supposed to. But I'm scared. Very scared.

I'm sorry to those I have hurt and worried yesterday. I thank them for their concern. But the path is mine to walk, mine to discover, and mine to choose.

What do I want?

Which should I choose?

Who do I believe when I can't even believe myself?

Is questioning part of the journey? Is this just a stupid act. Was this fated to happen?

I still wait for your answer.

Please.

Help me help me.

Nothingness

2006-12-22T12:05:00.000+08:00

8 friends. 1 life-changing experience.

The past week has been one of the sharper turning points in my life, what with the series of unexpected incidents. And no, the curvy parts weren't made by others, but rather by me. It is my choice to make my life more complicated than I think it should be. Or do I? Is it possible that my life IS that complicated? It it was, why me?

A certain someone was hurt on my recent vacation to Langkawi. What seems to be images of my friends in pain turned out to be reflections of myself. I was the one with the most pain. I didn't get it. Everyone could heal so fast, could smile like they had the all the sunshine in their minds, all the love in their hearts. But when I start to reminisce, I realize how blind I was, how oblivious I have been. I thought I knew people better than they knew me. Little did I know that I didn't know myself at all.

I took so long to write this post, I didn't know why. There were times I teared, sniffling over misery. But most of the times, I had that empty feeling. The silence. The revelation was painful.

I couldn't feel anything anymore.

I really couldn't.

The feelings for her, the feelings for everyone else, the feelings for myself, has vanished into nothingness. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe my emotions are shutting down on me. But, what if they went away and never came back? I'm scared... I'm worried I can never be the same person anymore. I'm worried that no one will look me in the eyes the same way. I'm worried that I can't look at myself the same way.

Something Different, Something Langkawi

2006-12-16T14:43:00.000+08:00

I'M EMANCIPATED!!!

Or, at least I think so.

Moral studies was fine; Kohlberg being in the paper made it look more like a Psychology paper than a LAN paper. Malaysian is ho-Ho-HO-RRIBLE! Miss Sue is so ho-Ho-HO-RRIBLE! But that is behind my back, unless of course, I fail the exam and sit in her class again.

Damn.

I mean, I didn't even studied for the exam. I went to meet up with the great Mr. Kevin Chan who just got back from Sing for several days. Kevin, Tysern, Stef, Bryan and I went to Neway in 1U, and sang like real idiots. I wonder how Stef put up with all of us... And after the singing sessions, I met Wy Jin and Yi Jieh. Wy Jin kinda looked the same, but it was great to see Yi Jieh grow so much taller. One day, he will be taller than me, seriously. Later, we visited Johan and Wy Kit at Waffle World and bumped into Ee Fei and friends near Converse. It's a small world after all.

To add to the excitement of the day, we had dinner with the oh-am-jee-super-transformed-mah-the-jun-the-xiang. He was like, wearing a black leather coat and all. AND HIS BACK IS SO MUCH BETTER!!! He was even able to play Pool and Foosball with us. He deserves this kind of life, after all the pain he had to go through. And guess what? We went to Centrepoint to play DotA. HARDY HAR HAR! He is quite pro. Josh, watch out... And after the night was kinda over, he raced me back to his house at Riana Green. When I say raced, I mean raced. As in 100 kmph on a curvy road. I was kinda used to it, having other friends doing so, but it was kinda 'whoa-ish'.

I'm going to Langkawi in, like, 5 hours or so. Yay me. I mean, I think I deserve a holiday. I am seriously stressed out now with a S-T-R-E-S-S. But I'm going somewhere with my friends. How cool can that be. Okay, fine, I might have done that all the time in college, but this is Langkawi! However, I know that the 2 couples (Josh+Mel and John+GF) will be always together, so Ezra, Fabian, Stella and I have to do something else together lor... Sigh.

NVM, definitely something different for me to experience.

LANGKAWI HERE I COME!

10 Reasons Why I Am So Dead

2006-12-14T21:50:00.000+08:00

I am so dead, and you might be wondering why. Well, this are the top 10 reasons why I (and not other people) am so dead.

10. I have 2 LAN exams this Saturday, and I am without any textbooks. Fortunately, I only need 4.5 marks to pass Moral, but I think I need around 20 marks to pass Malaysian. I am so freakin' gonna repeat this whole thing, and Miss Sue will be so bored of me she will turn into a living skeleton in class. In front of her students. And Miss Yeo said the stress that builds up during pre-exam sessions are very dangerous killers.

9. Instead of actually making effort to study (like perhaps, Josh who slept when he was looking into Malaccan history), I am writing in my blog. There goes my passes in LAN. And then I will start to blame the teachers for my not being able to pass and they will scold me and I will scold them back and I will be quite dead then lor... A vicious cycle indeed.

8. I binge. Frequently. Reports say that people who binge are the future obese youths of tomorrow. And when I am obese, I die earlier due to not being able to lug around the huge slab of 'lipo'. I am so dead with my ever-increasing BMI ratio. And the history of diabetics in my family isn't helping too. And when I need to start sticking needles of insulin into my arm every day, I will one day get tired of it and stick it into my eyes instead. It is that bad...

7. I wear glasses. Reports show that people who rely on glasses will one day pick up a bottle of Hydrogen Cyanide instead of the occasional Black Label and die a painful death. Or perhaps, they will accidentally fall down the Grand Canyon during one of the great escapades down it due to a mis-step.

6. I think I am a computer addict. Reports show that computer addicts will die with their shrunken eyeballs glued to the computer screen (literally) and their brains overflowing with adrenaline and 'addictalin'. And I planned to donate my organs to others when I die; how can I donate my eyes then?

5. Everyday, I inhale tons of dangerous metal ions and oxides. I will die with my insides rusting, believe me.

4. I feel insecure. People who feel insecure technically will end up like the antagonist in Moulin Rouge. I will start killing people to make myself feel better and I will be all alone again... MISERY!!!

3. I don't lead a proper social lifestyle. Every possible day, I am stuck at home dreaming of the people I used to spend time with in the halls of HELP. Yet I don't make effort in calling them. I am so selfish. I will die with everyone at the burial going, 'Min Huei who?' or, 'Serves him right, muahahahahahahahaha!'.

2. I don't exercise. I am like a walking piece of bones and fat. I feel unfit. I look unfit. That's bad for my perceiving self. And I will be forced to take weird drugs and die of overprescription...

And the number 1 reason why I am so dead?

1. I am in love. And not just an ordinary relationship. She doesn't know a thing, but I can't tell her aything yet because it just isn't right. And everyday the pain just builds up. I cry myself to sleep. Why does this kind of thing happen to me? WHY?

I AM SO DEAD!

The Blue Mile

2006-12-14T13:34:00.000+08:00

Never before in my life has my life changed so much over a measly year. Making my way into HMC wasn't something I planned for a long time, it was kinda like a last minute decision. However, this course has never failed to please me (except the case of Mr. Left...). From the rigors of arguing in Critical Thinking to the fun emo-ity sessions in the council room. It's not all about the place, it's actually about the people going there that makes HMC what it is today. A few persona has been the catalyst in my transformation here in HMC; it would be just if I said a few words about each individual.

Disclaimer: (If you're not here, it doesn't mean you are not of importance (Mr. Left excluded...). I have to admit that I do not know everyone that well, so I only have space for the very closest, the people I think I know. Everything here is arranged according to alphabetical order.)

Ally Allison - First, I wanna say that YOU DON'T LOOK YOUR AGE! Thanks for keeping us all happy and jolly and crazy. Don't worry, Erik Erikson will lose to you, muahahahaha. I made a promise to buy you Bailey's in Langkawi, and I will keep my word although my sister wants booze too. Remember our food sale? Good times... And if you ever need a helping hand to clean out your new apartment, count me in. Josh can be my reference.

Chickenchop a.k.a. mishop - Thanks for everything we shared, and still looking at each other with the same eyes. And if at anytime you want to take revenge for what they are talking about on nothelp.tk, I'll be part of the plan. Continue to hope.

Evie the Diva - Aha, the lady next door. Ever since knowing you in High School, I have known you for your intelligence, constant dilligence and maturity. Although you are younger than me by a year, you possess more mature attitudes than anyone else of my age. Also, thanks for directing me to a wall during arguments when I overspeed. And also, thanks for the transportation! We do not share a close relationship after the third semester, but once friends, forever friends!

Josh Llama - We met in Critical Thinking class I think. At first, I knew you as the creative writer of amusement and sarcasm. That later changed. I thank you for disclosing part of your life to me, although I wasn't keen on disclosing any part of me yet. But, I promise, the time will come. Thanks for buying me the chocolate cake, it meant a lot to me :). One thing, I need to tell you that you need to take it easy when you play DotA, because you tend to become, erm..., opverexcited :). I hope your current relationship will last, so don't mess up! Llamas? Definitely. OOO, and anytime you need someone to help you clean up and wash your dishes, remember to call me!

Juju-Julian-a - I remembered the first time I met you inside Mr. Murali's class. It wasn't that you looked like a lala-idiotic-boy or something (Did I just say that?) but you just seemed to have a strange presence. But our friendship proved me wrong. I have never seen you break down before, and that alone is evidence of your hardy nature. Hardy I said, not stubborn. I also thank you for the guitar-strumming sessions you donated to the council room. See you in Psycho next year! Oh, can I borrow one of your bandanas for next year? PLEASE! For the sake of my egg-shaped head.

Lesley a.k.a. LCLY - The girl next door. When we were first introduced, things picked up pretty quick. Over the months, I have known you to be a reliable friend. I remembered when we were contesting for Editor, I was kind of disappointed to lose, but when you resigned, I was shocked beyond relieve and couldn't get synchronized and organized for some time. The irony of things. The most powerful tool you ever possess is the realistic care for friends, at that alone will take you far. Sorry I couldn't be of more help during the falls you had down the stairs, or better known as 'The Lesleys'. Also, thanks for keeping my sanity, especially after I kinda lost contact with Evie in the third sem.

Mellissa - I said this once and I'll say this again: 'If I was the mountain, you are the bulldozer pushing it'. You have been the primary catalyst for my enormous transformation in HELP. I thank you for the friendship we cherish. As the president of the Student Council, you have overdone the overdone with your flair in execution and trust in followers. Thanks for submitting some articles to the Matrics; I really, really needed them! And a friendly reminder: I am a very prude person! I hope your current relationship will last, so don't mess up! And a reminder quote from the Ball thread: 'This girl has so much momentum, she has completely driven me off my original track and onto a miraculous path I have never seen before.' No, it wasn't due to your GT.

Michael da One - Michael, Michael. To be honest, although we spent time together the most compared to many other individuals in college, I feel like we do not know each other that well. Probably this is due to the fact that we share a strong intellectual relationship instead of a disclosure firendship. It isn't your fault, and I don't really think it is mine either. I really appreciate the times you cared about me, although I can sometimes be a big pain in the arse. We still will have our chance to become closer friends during the long break you have before departing to Russia. And continue your reign as one of the DotA kings!

Stella Bella - I can't remember how we got to know each other, I think it was probably through Ju. To me you are the realistic girl, the girl who knows what everything should be like. And I surprised we got along so well considering your Chinese-Educated background. I hope you like the 'apparently-dead-man's-flowers' but you must know that was never my intention. I'm sorry for all the wrong I have ever did to you in the year, like perhaps, disturbing you while you were having exam-mood-blues. Also, if you still think I have a Faca Problem, just ask me to wear a mask :). Oh, and that Photoshoped picture of you was not even meant for a joke, you looked cool in it. Seriously.

Special Mention:

Shyuan - For going through a parallel experience as me.
Ezra - For being something more than I thought you were.

Why it is called 'The Blue Mile'? Because, truly. The reason our fiendship holds strong is because we have gone thorugh the pain and misery together. The blues. And that is what makes us human becomings. That is what makes us, US.

Remember, I am truly sorry for all the wrong I did.

Double Cut

2006-12-14T10:43:00.001+08:00

Today is Tuesday, 12th of December, 2006. What might seem to be another ordinary day proves otherwise. It’s not like I’m not yet used to the variations of each day, but more immune to it. The first thought that came to mind was this: should I go to college or not.

‘Is he mad or something? I mean, who thinks about going to college during holidays?’

I hate LAN, which completely disrupts my circadian rhythm.

And then, I find my Internet to be totally POTONGED. I mean, how can TMNet be so cruel to me? And I was awaiting some important e-mail and I had to talk to people. I feel like a hermit. And I still felt bitter.

Bitter from the unsuspected emo session yesterday.

And then, I had a power cut at night. This time, TNB has failed me. Why? Why? Why?

And I thought deleting games from my computer will change my life for the better. I’ll say that I had a very bumpy start.

ARGH!

And so I resort to playing games like Pokemon. I live a sad, sad life.

Mailless 4

2006-12-11T21:11:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time, but I'm still here waiting for you. I was actually afraid that you might breakaway, but you haven't yet, and I'm happy for that. I mean, it's my life I'm dealing with. Because of you, I feel lost again, confused. I cried for you and for the first time, I feel like I actually cried for the right reasons. For you. Perhaps you will appreciate everything I did one day. Someday we'll know if we were never meant to be together. But if that day comes or doesn't, I will, come what may, always love you.

Someday We'll Know

2006-12-11T20:47:00.000+08:00

I'm really really feeling this song now.

Ninety Miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving, I don't know why
So many questions, need an answer
Two years later, you're still on my mind
Whatever happen to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

(Chorus)
Someday we'll know, if love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know, why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know, why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the 97th time tonight

(Chorus)

Someday we'll know, why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go, dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know, that I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
And watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me? Tonight

(Chorus)

Someday we'll know, why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go, dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know, that I was the one for you

Sorry for my Sins

2006-12-11T12:11:00.000+08:00

I have sinned.

And I'm very sorry I did so. Truly, truly sorry.

But I thought that I did it for the better good. Maybe it did help in some way. I really hope so.

But each time I pretend to be happy, the pain just builds up more. I don't think I can last.

I'm so sorry.

After Exam Blues

2006-12-08T12:08:00.000+08:00

Exams are over. As in zero studying till the next year starts! Oh wait, there's that freaking double LAN, but that doesn't count right?

The problems with no exams, and no schooling is the lack of proper companionship. And this silly psychogenic and psychosomatic ear-throat infection I'm coming down with means I can't join everyone tonight at Souled Out. It's alright, you guys have my blessings, go and ROCK the place out!

I need to say something:

I miss you all already.

I really do.

The smiles and words of humor and encouragement are missing, and that changes how I live my life.

To know how I feel like, listen to Hayley Westernra's Blue.

See you all soon!!!

Before Forgetting my Existence

2006-12-05T17:57:00.000+08:00

After we had not much classes due to the finals , I have been experiencing a form of emotional and social hunger. Truely, I didn't know friends could have an impact on my life that much. Results? Endless binging and oversleeping at home. I could have needed the rest nad the additional nutrients, but still...

I haven;t written in my blog for so long because another effect was writer's bloc. I can't think of anything. It was only a matter of time till I found out that the reason why I blog was because of my friends. The lost of contacts with everyone I know is making me fade into fantasy.

I know that I have to say stuff before forgetting my existence. My thank you list will come out soon as I need tot ake a long time into making sure I say what I want to say before moving on.

Thanks you, friends!

Another

2006-11-30T08:26:00.000+08:00

Quote of the Day: Selfishness enhances the survival of the body, selflessness enhances the survival of the spirit.

It has been a while since I lasted posted, thanks to the overwhelming surge of assignments and compulsory dedication to the Matrics. Oh, and of course, due to my procrastinatability (If there is such a word...)

There is one word that can explain life:

ONZ!

Just joking, but it felt like coming out... One thing is for sure, I won't be 'onz' tomorrow when everyone else is hippying at Hartamas, but at least I don't have Statistics. What I need is a vacation, luckily I have Langkawi for that.

I haven't felt any emotions these days, the workload is supressing my emotional state of consciousness. Is that a good thing?

And sorry Josh, you can't be Sub-ed. :(

Sam wears cool hairstyles to college everyday now. I wished I had his hair... Apparently, Josh is going bald again. Wait, that didn't come out right... What I wanted to say is he is planning to shave his head. Julian says that he has a good shape for baldness and then commented that my head had the shape of a monk's head. Yay. However, under comformity and influence of fashion magazines, I'll try to keep my hair a little longer...

Another thing to rant about:

LAN SUX!

I'm glad we had this conversation.

Love Is Painful

2006-11-27T20:05:00.000+08:00

It is time for you to understand why love in painful. No more lies, only truth.

My perspective of love is unlike many others. I'm not saying that how I see love is the best way to see it. I just hope that by seeing what I see, you learn to be a better person. Let's begin.

Throughout my whole life, I treated people like how I want to be treated: equals. I treat girls like boys, I treat boys like girls, I treat elders like teenagers, and vice versa. I thought I will hold onto this principle till my dying day. I mean, even my sisters (Yes, I have 2.) and several friends have stated that they are sorry for my future wife. What surprised me this year is that I probably have found it.

I know what crushes are, I had one before. With who, you might ask? Well, time to tell the truth. There is an ex-classmate who sat behind me. One thing was for sure: she was cute. And she was friendly, and she was bubbly and never showed any bad sides of herself. We shared great moments together with Breakfast Man. That little girl has now grown from what I perceive as a wonderful child into a mature women of all sorts. I don't think I need to elaborate any further, you know who I'm talking about. I have already told her about the crush. She said I had good taste, and for once, I thought I got something right. But honestly, it wasn't love. I could feel it. It was just a great feeling of attachment, a crush.

But there was this girl I met. I didn't know that I was actually having that feeling. The silence.

I treated her unlike other girls I treated, and that changed the way I treated other girls. She probably might not have noticed it, but is that even important? I sometimes think that we can never be together, there were just too many complications.

But let me tell you something. People say you need 2 to tango. They are wrong. All wrong. You might need 2 to tango, but you only need 1 to love the dance itself.

If to love someone is to be happy when she is happy, to be happy when she smiles, then I think I am in love.

If to love someone is to feel pain when you know you can't have her, to feel sorrow when you know you shouldn't have her, to feel misery when you know you are lying to yourself, then I think I am deeply in love.

Remember, if you get loved in return, love her back more in return. Heck, love her back more no matter what happens. Because that's what love is: a gift from the heavens.

There is a time when I can confess everything, but now is not the time. The time is nigh.

Love love.

In The Way With No TIme

2006-11-27T18:23:00.000+08:00

I'm in the way again and I have to go and be more in the way in McDs...

BAH.

Half a Weekend to Remember, and Another Half to Not

2006-11-26T16:48:00.000+08:00

There's so much to tell in so little time and little space. Nevertheless, let me begin. This post will tell you about what happened since Friday, the 24th, till now.

After finishing the Psychology Assignment and not being able to find Miss Yeo, Ezra sent Mell, Josh and I to Josh's apartment, Araville. One thing I have to say about his condo, it has a spectacular view, being so high up on a mountain, and it has an interesting decor, for example, the abstract art of a naked woman in the study. And clean, thanks to Josh's wonderful sense of cleanliness.

I consider myself out of the way, being a very un-prude person. I don't know whether I should have stayed or not. That being that, I thank the duo for puting up with my unplanned emo-ity and my mood swings, as well as for lending me a back to hide behind while playing FEAR... Also, don't worry about the washing-bowls-and-cooking stint, it's just a different culture and upbringing. If you want to return the favour, my gates are open at any time, and my cabinets too, that is.

Sam comes to rescue me at 2100. We then went to Hartamas square. I pretty much was having the same experience, except in a different location. And, yes, I am un-prude. We went to Mell's house some time after with a new group of people, Julian, James and Stella. There were 3 groups working the talk in Mell's house, you know which you belong to. I arrived home at 0130, thanks to Sam and his incredible driving skills.

The next day I had to go to my hometown, Bidor, for my cousin's wedding. I haven't even seen here before, and she's already getting married. Amazing. The wedding atmosphere at the bride's house was , to them, normal. Loud, chaotic and filled with happiness, it seems. Then I had to perambulate to a community hall, which happened to be the place the wedding dinner was being held, and the place where I was attacked by a colony of houseflies. The emcee for the night kept inviting family members up on stage to sing Chinese karaoke songs. The singers yelling into the mike and the loudspeaker being right in front of me didn't help my ears. However, they have to be given credit for they have more voice control then most of the bathroom singers around in college, thanks to the availability of karaoke machines in everyone's house...

Because most other relatives were staying in my relatives' houses, me and my uncle's family had to stay in a hotel in Teluk Intan, the city of the pirated Leaning Tower of Pisa. To everyone's surprise, our rooms were given away to people... Stupid hotel. And the fact that Siti Nurhaliza and M. Nasir stayed there before didn't help. All the other hotels were full too, apparently because there were many wedding happening on the same day... Even the super-tiny-house-looking-hotel called Hotel Kok Min was full. Dammit. We resorted to sleeping in the hotel's conference room, where many cats were already making their home, with makeshift beds. The good part, it was only RM 50; the bad part, I didn't like it.

And I woke up with a horrible attitude.

And then I had to go to see the tea ceremony whwich involved too much smoke getting in my eyes. And then I couldn't tahan anymore. And then I'm not going to make this experience one to remember. And then I don't want to blog anymore.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A 0130 Post

2006-11-25T01:28:00.000+08:00

I am tired, literally. What do I expect from coming back so early in the morning.

Four-Edged Sword - How Long Can I Hold Onto It?

2006-11-24T14:41:00.000+08:00

Today is not just another day. Today I climbed another hill in my life.

On my way to the peak, I was quite controlled, excited and stressed out at times, but I thought that was normal, that was a gift. However, there were definitely more pits, more dangerous cliffs on the way up, more avalanches to come across, more adventures, more creatures lurking in the undergrowth, more spirituality.

But there is a difference. Once I reached the top.

I don't get why things happen to me. If they are supposed to teach me a lesson, I'm not understanding the point, I'm not understanding the information, lost in my own confusion. If things are supposed to happen to me to make me go down, then I'll tell that someone up there something: 'Why can't you tell me that faster in my face?' If things happen to me because I chose the way I lead my life, then why are there all the strange restrictions I meet, all the checkpoints, all the walls and unopened doors? If things happen to me because I don't want them to, then I am just plain unlucky.

Transformation.

That is the word to describe my whole year. I will be surprised if you show me both the me of the past and the me of the present. They are like 2 completely different individuals. I told a certain someone that she didn't lose any of her good traits even though she has changed for the better. I certainly don't think that happened to me.

There are new weaknesses, new strengths. I know they are there, but what are they for? How do we use them. DO I WANT TO? I don't know. Confusion.

And then I reach the peak. Not just another peak of my life. The trip up there might seem like one of those other trips, but the peak...

You can see the sky meet the Earth with a blaze of fiery crimson, while the universe seems to supress it with a tinge of melodramatic blue. The grasslands whisper in your ears with their sweets-smelling grass-green whereas the birds sing a lullaby. The sea emits a wave of prussian although the beach meets that with a blend of sandstone and clay. Yet, there is something fishy. And it isn't any of the fishes in the sea.

It is the air. It smells lifeless. There seem to be a storm brewing, yet there isn't any speck of black in the air. There seem to be a hurricane coming this way, but where is the silence before the storm? I don't get it. It is paradoxicality in action.

And before me lay a million paths to the next peak. Which one should I take? I think I already made that decision. I'll wait. For that little something that's coming this way. If it is really a storm, should I regret staying? If it is a beautiful shining sun, is it worth it? Will I feel that same tight curiosity that I have never felt before. I don't know. I don't want to never know this.

But as I wait longer, guilt builds up. Pain develops. Misery encountered. How much am I willing to hurt myself to find the truth.

But if I take a path down the mountain, I might hurt the something special. I might intrude dangerous grounds. A minefield. And I'll blow myself and other mines together, more than before... It's like I'm seeing myself go for it, but I am not. I'm seeing myself in others, so I'm afraid that hurting that someone will hurt me more.

Patience.

Do I trust the word. Do I have a choice?

I only can hope, but it is fading fast. I need that something special, yet I know that I should go for it.

If loving someone is to feel pain when you know you can't have her, to feel misery when you know you shouldn't have her, to feel sorrow when you know you are lying to yourself, then I think I am deeply in love. It's not just a feeling, it's not just another bright light. It glows with a different aura of presence. And you sacrifice for her. You sacrifice for your 'self'. You think you know what you're doing.

How long will it before I wither and roll down the mountain?

The Internet Addiction PDS

2006-11-23T19:15:00.000+08:00

Today was the day it happened; the Psychology Personal Development Lecture on Internet Addiction. It was excitement all the way. For me at least. Lesley was kinda worrying at times, but I don't blame her.

Apparently, when I say, 'things will go well', everyone feels assured.

When I found that out, I was, 'WOW!' In surprise, that is. I mean, I thought I was the one dependant on others. I completely broke down (okay, maybe not that much...) when Lesley resigned as Editor. And to think of it, I was rallying for the post in the first place. To be honest, there isn't much difference in terms of workload. I was actually not wanting to take over her post, but no one was there to take ehr place...

Why am I always in the wrong place at the wrong times? Like during the Strength Bombardment, Michael A-Bomb-ed me with the Biology Lab Workload... And there I was, stuck with a birdhouse filled with red ants, screaming my head off till Mr. Andrew was there... And Lesley didn't complete the random placement chart, BAH. And, I was sweating like a hog, BAH. Okay, not the correct place to rant about this...

Let's get back to topic. The presentation was fine. I was worried that Miss Yeo was going to penalize us due to weird actions done in class, like staring at Juliet, or sneaking Lesley in with an armload of unsticker-ied-stickers. But everyone had fun in the end, I think.

I really have to thank Lesley, Mell and Wai Kuan for trusting me till the end, and most importantly, trusting themselves till the very end. It was sweet. I also have to thank Sam and Josh for making an appearance, even though I knew they wanted to see the pr0n. Joking...

I have to apologize to Miss Yeo (Are you reading this?) for being such a big pain in the buttocks when I emo-ed last week, forcing her to change our presentation time to today. Also, for being interruptive all the time, I have to work on that. Thank you for your guidance and patience.

And to the something higher up there. Not god. But something there. For being there.

I shall not talk about what my section of the presentation was, you can just view it here:

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/pornoff.html

Don't ask...

Strength Bombardment

2006-11-22T21:02:00.000+08:00

My heart beated very fast.

I just wasn't used to getting compliments. And its tough to tell someone what you think of them with everyone staring at you... It's like dropping bombs on a fragile house.

And that's about it...

Taking Flowers to a Closed Door

2006-11-21T17:53:00.000+08:00

Quote of the day: What they say is what they want you to believe in, what you believe in is what you want to become.

I was feeling in a rather good mood today, or at least in the morning. I mean, I had that boost of reality-ism from yesterday's denial process. And there was the fact that I was about to give flowers to a girl for the first time. No she isn't my girlfriend, but I thought that she deserves flowers as an apology for what I did, not what I thought my actions did.

It was a bad sight. I dropped my chair as I stood up to present her with the gift. And she completely left her door close. And I thought I did something wrong.

I mean, this moment was something to be recorded, and I was thinking it would go well. And all I met was a closed door. Denial of entrance. It's like telling someone, 'you're not wanted here' when they did all the work for you.

Pain.

As pain as a dear someone's who has been turned down his license. OH GOSH! Now I feel like failing my driving exam too. I mean, anything can go wrong, can't they?

Brought Back to Reality

2006-11-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

Quote of the day: The disturbing fact is that the vast majority of people, including educated and otherwise sophisticated people, find the idea of change so threatening that they attempt to deny its existence.

I skipped college today.

When I woke up, I had that feeling. The 'not today' feeling. I don't get this feeling all the time and it comes at me as a surprise.

Not only that, I had also lived in denial for at least half the day. I spent the entire day resting, thinking that I was on the brink of exhaustion. I also binged, a lot. I practically ate an undeveloped country's average meal for a single individual in a week. 2 weeks. And that is a lot. I feel fat already. After that, I slept. I slept a long uninterrupted sleep. And when I woke up, I felt guilty.

I leanrt something interesting today. Guilt when combined with controlled denial brings you back to reality.

I felt real.

Maybe it was worth skipping after all.

No matter what, I have to apologize to everyone who I had stood up to today. I am truly sorry. Because I let them worry for nothing. Because I am such a selfish bum.

BAH.

P for Procrastinator

2006-11-19T19:54:00.000+08:00

P also symbolizes the red P symbol you paste on your car after getting your 'P' license.

I went for the 6 hour amali today and I have to tell you that it was rather interesting.

1. I didn't talk to anyone much. You horrible introvert.
2. It was boring, but what did I expect? A funfair?
3. I learnt that I didn't know much about cars. Wait, I knew that already...
4. I was hot and humid and uncomfortable and pissed off at the weather when it rained and sunned (Is there such word?) on me a minute later.
5. I drive horribly.

At least the instructor didn't need to use his emergency brake...

If a Mercedes or BMW is equalavent to Baskin Robins Handpacked Ice-cream, the Safety Driving Centre's Kancil is equilavent to an Ais Krim Potong Perisa Kacang Merah, with all the red beans in the wrong places. The steering is half dead; I had to, like, turn the wheel at least 5 complete circles to get it to U-turn the car. The clutch is okay though. The brake and accelerator pedals are EXTREMELY sensitive.

I have nightmares about my driving exam day already, with the 250 other students laughing at me when I hit the 'tiang' during my parking or three-point turn sessions.

NEWSFLASH: Aparently, Josh saw me at SDC but I was too blur to notice him.

I thought gear 1 was fast. I think I'm mad. And the instructor kept butting in on my trial drive, MY FIRST DRIVE! So, I had the steering in my control for somewhere around 10% of the time.

Oh, a friendly reminder: AVOID THE SDC CANTEEN'S TEH AIS AT ALL COST. It tastes like 99% creamer and 1% tea. I also found out today that my Undang Certificate lasts until 23rd of December this year thanks to my incredible procrastination.

During my next lesson, I'll make sure I purposely stop the engine of the car when someone horns at me.

Min Huei Goth

2006-11-17T20:52:00.000+08:00

Oh, with Stella Goth comes Min Huei Goth. I guess she needed some company...

...

Don't even ask.

Stella Goth

2006-11-17T19:58:00.000+08:00

You know the Goth family in Sims? Well, they have a graveyard in their backyard, and little do they know that there is a new ghost in the neighbourhood...

Stella Goth...

I know, the first picture in my blog has to be so groovy.

Something tells me I'm going to be bitten soon... I better start wearing garlic necklaces to college.

Of Lemon Extract and Green Colouring Powder

2006-11-17T19:31:00.000+08:00

I know I was uncontrollable, like a mindless automaton. I didn't blame anyone, not even myself, and I find that to be pretty strange. The thing is, during the past few days, I have learnt much about life, probably more than anyone in such a short time span. I wouldn't say that I amm proud of it. What I can say is this: I have become stronger.

And I am truly sorry to those who had to patiently withstand my barrage of emoness. I apologize for keeping everyone in mysterious clouds. I'm sorry but I have to keep everyone longer in those clouds, because I will be sure that everyone will stay safe.

Lemon extract is sour when you first taste it. But after subsequent tastings, it doesn't taste that bad after all. Green colouring powder might seem useless, but with a little water, it becomes a powerful dye.

Life needs to be tasted in its different flavours.

Have you tried the most bitter ones?

HOPE!

2006-11-16T18:12:00.000+08:00

There is hope.

I will wait for her. I know it will happen. And even if it doesn't, I am ready for it. 'Cause love is really powerful.

You don't really need to be loved in return. You just need to know that she knows you love her.

And if she loves you back, love her back more.

Heck, love her back more all the time.

'Cause if you don't, you'll never be able to love again.

At least, not true love.

I will wait.

There is hope.

Hope.

I'll love myself first though.

'Cause, if I don't, I will kill myself before anything happens.

And I don't want to, kill myself that is...

So hope.

And dreams will become reality.

Oh, and there is always someone behind you.

Another special one you can share with.

Thank that person, 'cause she is always your backbone.

Through hurricanes, and car crashes.

Hope.

Hope more.

Hope with all of your heart.

And you'll have no regrets in life.